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Posted by Pam on 8/1/2003, 2:09 pm, in reply to "I think I was abused???" You are being abused. He has worn down your sense of self-respect and kept you in a confused state so he can control you better. I'm betting his comments about not wanting to see you again are just to make you feel bad (obviously) and because for a long time he has said horrible things to you but you stuck around anyway, so he doesn't expect you to really stay gone. So don't be surprised if you encounter some rage when he's ready to dish out some more crap and you're not there to take it anymore. Don't feel bad about yourself. There are soooo many of us here that have been through the same or similar things, and there was nothing wrong with us, no reason why we deserved any of the treatment we received. Sometimes it is easy to be hard on ourselves because for one, we're used to it, and two, we are bewildered at how we let ourselves get to such a state. What Jade said about finding ways to build your self-esteem is great advice... you need to start getting used to giving yourself a pat on the back instead of hoping to get it from someone else. The things you did for him show that you are a wonderfully caring person, and I'm so sorry that you were taken advantage of. I think though, that those must be qualities that tend to get us in trouble if we're not careful, because it seems to me that most on this board are also wonderfully caring people, sensitive to others' needs. So you need to spend some time identifying your boundaries so as not to wind up in a similar situation later. You know, we do deserve love and kindness, respect and compassion and caring from the partners in our lives. There are lots of books on the subject you may find helpful; here's some that have been read by at least a few of us on the board; Controlling People - Patricia Evans And of course please feel free to post all you want, we understand what you're going through and would love to help. -Pam
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Heather -
Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out - Patricia Evans
The Emotionally Abused Woman (I think) - Beverly Engle
Why Do They Do That; Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men - Lundy Bancroft
Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You - Paul Meier
Children of the Self-Absorbed - (Darn, is this from Patricia Evans or Beverly Engle or someone else I can't remember)
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