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Posted by Jade on 8/1/2003, 12:30 pm, in reply to "I think I was abused???" does he: If you answered yes to even only one of these it is abusive. It rarely gets better. Most often abuse gets worse over time. You do not cause him to be abusive!!!!!!!! Don't ever think that it is your fault that he acts like this because that is not true at all. You cannot change him or fix him, you can only change yourself and by that I don't mean changing into what he wants you to be I mean you need to change by setting boundaries and not putting up with people treating you disrespectfully. You are not a slut, whore, bi*ch or anything else that he calls you. You is trying to make you feel like crap because when you feel low about yourself it is easier for them to control you. Hugssssssss!
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You are absolutely right in that he is abusive to you!!!!!! Everything you said is abuse. Name calling, minimizing you and your accomplishments, making you feel like crap about yourself, blaming everything on you, treating you like crap. It is all abuse. Here is a list of signs of abuse.
ignore your feelings?
disrespect you?
ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?
ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?
withhold approval, appreciation or affection?
give you the silent treatment?
walk away without answering you?
criticize you, call you names, yell at you?
humiliate you privately or in public?
roll his or her eyes when you talk?
give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?
make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well?
seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get?
tell you you are too sensitive?
hurt you especially when you are down?
seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?
have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?
present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?
"twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?
try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?
complain about how badly you treat him or her?
threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?
say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?
ever left you stranded?
ever threaten to hurt you or your family?
ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"?
seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?
abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?
compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?
promise to never do something hurtful again?
harass you about imagined affairs?
manipulate you with lies and contradictions?
destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?
drive like a road-rage junkie?
act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?
question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?
interrupt you; hear but not really listen?
make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't?
use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?
incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame?
try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?"
frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?
treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?
Jade
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