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Posted by Pam on 7/31/2003, 8:50 am, in reply to "Moving this weekend" I think I might let some of the sadness show around your boys. Let them know it's okay to be sad about all that happened, that things didn't work out the way you (and they?) had hoped, and that feeling sad, and even angry, is part of the process (showing them healthy ways of expressing anger!). You might even do some family therapy with them, or just have a night once or twice a week that you sit around together, read, play games and talk about what's going on in your lives, or some opportunity for their feelings to be expressed without feeling forced or uncomfortable. But how exciting for you! A place where you can decorate the rooms the way you and the boys want, and vaccuum at midnight if you want to, no one to b###h at you about the way you did something or the way they expect it to be done. A place where you don't have to worry about your sentimental things being broken mysteriously, or thrown across the room in a rage. My ex demanded that I never use The Credit Card. It was forbidden. So when I was out on my own and got my first credit card, both my boyfriend and my father told me I needed to go out and buy stuff on it to start building credit. Well, it was like telling someone to stick their hand in the fire; I was that conditioned to never ever use a credit card. But I went out, and I bought some nice dishtowels. Not the cheap things I was used to being allowed to buy, but nice, linen dish towles. I was so taken with these dish towels, at my next therapy appointment, I was raving to the therapist about how proud, and a little shocked I was at myself, for buying not one, but two! six dollar dish towels! Six dollars each!!! AND, I charged them on my credit card!!!!! I could tell she hadn't ever had someone express such feelings 'cause she looked at me sorta wierd, like she couldn't tell if I was joking or not. It sounds kinda sad, but I look back on it and laugh, 'cause it was really a happy moment for me, realizing I had the power to choose what I wanted to be responsible for, and not whatever BS was dumped on me at any given moment. It just goes to show you how much control they had over us. Getting rid of it is a process, but it's a beautiful thing.
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I think there's probably a lot to be sad about- I mean this isn't what you really wanted, but what you really wanted, he wouldn't allow. Plus, you're not used to being on your own. Most of us really want a partner to share our lives with, so you're probably feeling that emptiness too. But try to take comfort that this stage is not forever. You have the opportunity to refind yourself now - and you will be surprised at the little things you discover about yourself, things you squashed for so many years trying to make HIM happy.
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