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Posted by muslimah on 7/30/2003, 7:41 pm, in reply to "sad"
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It is much easier to leave if you have secretly been taking steps to independence, than if you wait until one night when you are really upset and just leave. Start to secretly prepare now. Make extra keys to things, save money, get a credit card, research the shelter, secretly move things out that will be unnoticed, check with a lawyer-a lot are free the first visit - I saw 12 secretely before I left to know the laws, keep evidence of abuse - in my state once I found out that ADULT abuse was not reported I told my doctor everything and had her continuously document in my medical chart, i secretly make "informational reports" to the police by going down to the station and reporting incidences of abuse without my husband knowing, took about 1,000 pictures, kept a detailed journal of the abuse, etc. Start researching your options now, and start preparing now, so that when you are ready to leave you will be so thankful you already researched available help, etc. Also go ahead and secretly make copies of all important documents - shot records, social security cards, birth certificates, contracts, deeds, etc. and keep this paperwork at your parents house. I also went to yard sales and used clothing stores and secretly purchased a whole business wardrobe that I knew I would need when I got out. I stored it at my parents house. I also purchased other items I could forsee I would need in the future to survive - shampoo, hairspray, and basic personal needs, so that when I did leave in a hurry, I already had a supply of stuff hidden at my parents house. Like I said before I had to leave quickly, and it has been over one year and I still do not have my stuff. I am thankful I did so much planning. So far my only regret has been not grabbing the baby pictures, but I was running for my life and had only a few minutes to disappear with 2 kids, and at the time I felt that if I grabbed pictures it would make my husband even madder, and I WAS in a huge hurry to get out. I took pictures of the abuse over the last year, and I took pictures of everything we own in the house so that I will be able to prove in court exactly what shape everything was in and what we owned at the time. That way if something disappears, like my sewing machine or whatever, I have a picture to show the judge. Of course my husband never knew I did any of this.
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