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Posted by Hurting on 7/18/2003, 1:27 pm
205.188.209.5
Hello all. I haven't been here in awhile because I had gone back to my guy. I decided that as long as i behaved that he would love me, and that things would be ok. Well he insisted that I come to see him, and to spend the week with him. (we live in two different cities.) I was so excited that he wanted to see me, that i blocked out all of my feelings and went for it. This was the biggest mistake of my life. The abuse started as soon as he got what he wanted. That is when it mainly happend. He was so sweet to me before, and then with in a few short min. he was the monster that I had always known. I finally got the courage to tell him everything, esp. let him know that my therapist had said that he was abusive. He got so upset, and yelled even louder at me. As i sat there in tears begging him to forget about what I had said (because i was so scared at that moment) he just ripped me apart even more. I felt so ashamed and unwanted and I just wanted to go home. The next day I told him that I was going to leave but all he said to me was that I would never make it with out him. He gave me the key to his place and said that he would meet me there later and walked away. I didn't know what to do, and he might have been right... I stayed. I behaved the rest of the week, and did as I was told. I wish that I could say that it had been worth it but it wasn't. When I returned home he told me that he loved me and that everything would be ok. That was a lie. He continued to break my heart, until one day I finally got the courage and told him goodbye for the final time. Its now been one week and we haven't spoken. He hasn't tried to get a hold of me which I am glad. God has helped me through all of this, and so has the support of all of my friends and family. However I am still missing him, or the thought of him. I wish sometimes that I could just talk to him, but I really don't want to. I feel hurt, used, and rejected. I gave him everything, and all i have to show for it is a broken heart. I feel kinda bad because i wish that he would feel the same hurt that he had put me through, even though that isn't really christ like. How have you all dealt with this, and how long does the recovery period last? Sometimes the hurt is too much, and I would love some feed back. Thank you all for all of your help, it is what helped me to end my visious cycle
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