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Posted by Jade on 7/18/2003, 7:48 am, in reply to "Re: Anger Managment????" Most say that change is not possible but I don't agree. Anything is possible IF the person wants to change and takes the steps to make the changes that are necessary. It seems that your wife wants to change, being that she has admitted to her problems and is now taking steps to improve herself there is some hope there. You and she both must realize though that it won't be easy and it won't happen overnight or in a week or two. It is a long process to change from acting out with violence/cruelty because you have to learn new ways to deal with the anger you feel and you have to look inside yourself to see the reason why you've acted out in a bad way so that you can deal with that which is within yourself. You can't just put a bandaid on it, you need to clean it out and heal it. I have been reading a lot of information at this site that I will post the link to. There is a lot of information there and I think that it would be good for both you and your wife to check out. It's called marriage builders and it's not about abuse but more so about mutual respect and how to meet the needs of your partner and working on the marriage TOGETHER. I WANT TO STRESS FOR ANYONE ELSE WHO IS READING THIS THAT YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE/BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND!!!! THEY HAVE TO OWN THEIR BEHAVIOR AND THEY HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE THEMSELVES AND WORK ON CHANGING THEMSELVES. THEY HAVE TO TAKE CLASSES SUCH AS ANGER MANAGEMENT OR AN ABUSERS PROGRAM OR THERAPY AND THEY HAVE TO REALLY WANT TO CHANGE THEMSELVES. AND IF YOU(THE ABUSED) HAVE MOVED OUT THEN THEY WOULD AND SHOULD RESPECT THAT DECISION AND NOT CONSTANTLY HARRASS YOU INTO COMING BACK!!! IF THEY TRUELY WANT TO CHANGE THEN THEY WILL DO SO EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT WITH THEM. AND AGAIN IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS QUICKLY OR EASILY. SO IF YOU ARE MOVED OUT THEN STAY OUT AND LET THEM DO THE WORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE FOR THEMSELVES. Anyway Arbee check out the link and have your wife check it out too. Maybe even sit down together and read the "basic concepts" section and discuss it as you go along. The link takes you directly to the basic concepts section. Good luck!
Link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html
172.130.180.29
You're welcome Arbee.
Jade
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