The Pissed Raven: Thought this was funny

Thought this was funny

Posted by Graeme on 2/10/2008, 12:51 pm

The world of football was rocked to its very foundations last night, when
the controversial proposed bailout of Tottenham Hotspur FC was unanimously
rejected by the Premier League.

The Spurs crisis began in 2006 when the Board inexplicably began to invest
substantial sums in so-called sub-prime footballers, each of whom is now
effectively worthless.

"No-one bothered to check if these players had any ability to pay back the
enormous sums that had been invested in them," said one anguished fan, "...
the club just assumed their value would keep on rising."

With pressure growing from nervous creditors, Spurs were obliged to sell
their remaining valuable players like Berbatov and Keane, leaving behind
only 'toxic assets' like Bentley and Pavlyuchenko. "We spent Ł29million on
that pair....seems crazy now doesn't it?"

It is impossible to tell what they're worth now, because demand for such
expensive mediocrity has completely dried up.

Spurs had begged the Premier League to create a bailout fund to purchase
their entire first-team squad, thus freeing up the club's finances to
re-invest in more competent replacements.

As confidence in Spurs began to evaporate, meanwhile, other richer clubs
became increasingly unwilling to lend to them, except on prohibitively
stringent terms.

"We were rather hoping for Carlos Tevez from Manchester United," confirmed
a club insider ... but they'd only lend us Frazier Campbell."

However administrators were unrepentant, adamant that Spurs were not, after
all, 'too big to fail'. After a weekend of often emotional deliberations,
they voted not to set a dangerous precedent.

"We refused to bail out Derby County last season," admitted a Premier
League spokesman, "... though to be fair they had more points at this stage
than Spurs do."

Watch this space for further updates and breaking news ....