: I wasn't a very motivated person growing up,
: and I still struggle with finding motivation
: occasionally. Being that way as a kid, I
: regret not paying attention to how my old
: band directors used to do things. They
: managed to take a kid like me - who was
: never disrespectful as a student but wasn't
: very motivated to be the best - and make him
: into a decent player who enjoys playing his
: instrument. I wish I knew how they did this,
: because I only find myself frustrated and
: useless when my sixth graders ask how a
: simple rhythm goes for the fiftieth time. I
: don't remember when I "got it"
: back in sixth grade, I only remember
: "getting it" from the start and
: never having trouble reading the music put
: in front of me. I have tried every technique
: I learned in college and from peers when
: that didn't work, and I just don't feel like
: I'll ever be at the point where I can
: rehearse musicality (aka actually being able
: to trust that my students can identify
: simple notes and rhythms without having to
: ask me every time) instead of "No,
: that's a Bb. We've played this note since
: August, Timothy".
: Basically I feel useless and like I'm just
: on a neverending treadmill of mediocrity
: that I will never be able to escape from
: because I just don't "Get it".
: Maybe I just don't have the personality for
: it or something. But then if a career change
: is on the horizon, all I have ever
: done/thought about doing/wanted to do was
: teaching, but when I actually got into the
: classroom it turns out I'm just a useless,
: stressed out person who thought he could do
: this but realizes he sucks and can't make
: anything work.
: Why yes, I am at a very low point right now.
: What gave it away?