Posted by Kim on 3/2/2002, 4:35 pm Blinking her eyes, Ellen turned towards the opened door and struggled to rise to a sitting position on the couch. She had spent two miserable days not leaving her apartment and decided to do something productive by going to work to prepare for the coming week. Ellen also knew that Matt was due to work on Sunday night and she'd hoped to see him at GH, but Grace coolly informed Ellen upon inquiring that Matt had traded shifts with Eve Lambert and he wouldn't be in the hospital until Monday morning. Upon finishing her paperwork and bone-tired, Ellen decided to lie down on the couch for a few minutes before leaving the hospital, but the worry and lack of sleep during the past several days finally caught up with her, and Ellen slept in her office until the knock on the door awakened her. "Matt," Ellen said groggily as she rubbed her eyes. "What time is it?" "A little after 7:00," Matt replied. Stating the obvious he asked, "You were here all night?" "Yes, I guess subconsciously I didn't want to go back to my apartment after work last night so I slept here, even though I can't say that I had a restful night," Ellen ruefully commented as she rubbed the back of her neck. Matt had to tightly grip the side of his chair; it was almost a natural instinct for him to want to go to Ellen and massage her neck and shoulders as he had done so many times. Seeing Matt look at her, Ellen read his mind and nervously lowered her hand to the couch. Dropping her gaze for a moment, Ellen said, "You don't know how many times I fought from calling you this weekend. I must have picked up the telephone at least a dozen times, but when I realized I didn't know what I'd say, I'd just put the phone down." In a wistful voice Matt asked, "Could you say that you love me?" Looking at Matt again with tear-filled eyes, Ellen said brokenly, "I do love you Matt but I don't know myself anymore. I can't understand how I can love you and ... and still have these feelings for ... Kevin." As Ellen wiped the tears starting to stream down her face, Matt saw she was no longer wearing her engagement ring. "It seems you've already made your decision about me even though you aren't sure about Kevin yet." Matt said bitterly. "Where is your engagement ring?" Pulling a gold chain from under her silk blouse, Ellen displayed the diamond and sapphire ring on the chain. Unclasping the chain, Ellen removed the ring and held it in her hand. Knowing Ellen was going to return the engagement ring to him, Matt struck out at the man who came between them. "Are you willing to end our engagement to take up with Kevin who's gone through relationships with Lucy and Eve during the three years that we've known him? Women he supposedly loved?" "Matt, I wouldn't break up with you for a fling or a spurious affair. You know that. If it was just a sexual attraction or something, I could write it off as something stupid and know that it wouldn't affect you and me. But what I feel for Kevin is much more than that. We're close; we always have been close. And I can't marry you and always think, "What if?" We might be able to make it work for a while, but you know it would always be there between us. You'd think of it sometime if the future when we would see Kevin here at GH or in Port Charles. And sometime...I would too. I don't know if Kevin and I really have a future. I honestly don't know. But I do know that I can't marry you now." For a fleeting second Matt was going to tell Ellen he'd didn't want the ring and she should keep it, but what would be the point? He rolled his chair directly in front of her on the couch and sat forward as Ellen placed the ring in his hand. Matt wrapped his arms around Ellen and pulled her into his embrace. Kissing her face, Matt felt the moistness on her cheek from the tears, and he smiled sadly as he felt her return the kiss. Pulling his head away from hers and looking into her lovely brown eyes, Matt cupped her face in his hands and stated, "I love you Ellen. You know that. But I can't wait for you anymore." Ellen kissed the inside of Matt's left hand, nodding, and agreed, "I know Matt. I know." Releasing her, Matt rolled back in his chair still looking at Ellen and only turned around when he reached the door. Without speaking another word, he left the office.
Ellen's shift in the emergency room wasn't scheduled to start until 8 a.m., yet Matt made his way down the corridor towards Ellen's office even though his watch indicated it was just 07:05. The couple hadn't spoken to each other since Matt left Ellen at her apartment more than two nights ago. Despite the fact he'd told Ellen emphatically that night he'd get back in touch with her when he was ready to talk, every call to his apartment this past weekend made his heart leap in anticipation that it was Ellen calling him. And each hope was dashed when Matt heard Joe, Karen, or Grace's voice on the other end of the telephone line. So early this Monday morning after his third sleepless night, Matt decided to go to Ellen's office to see her after not being able to reach her at her apartment when he called an hour ago. Matt wouldn't allow his mind to travel down the path of where Ellen might be instead of her office or apartment at 6 a.m. this morning. No matter what had or hadn't happened between Ellen and Kevin Collins, Matt still believed that he knew Ellen better than anyone, even better than she knew herself. There was a slim chance Ellen might be with Alice this morning but he was certain Ellen wasn't with Kevin. She'd never move forward with the relationship until they'd finished their conversation from Friday night; of that he was sure. He smiled wryly when he saw the light stream underneath the door from Ellen's office. Knocking quickly on the door and not waiting for a response, Matt entered the office.
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