Dear brothers and sisters,
I never really wanted to talk about this with anybody; it was one of the things you never tell anyone because it has been so long since it happened that itís not worth to talk about it. I heard months ago that a little girl was molested by a worker, that little girl and her mother saved me, I donít know if the little girl told to her mom or if her mother found out but it gave me the courage or at least it make me consider to talk about it with my mom.
I was four years old (2002) and he was 42 peruvian. Lima - Perķ
He was a worker too.
It was all over when I was 7 years old. (2004-2005)
But it really wasnít, I had to see him every day until I turned 16 and he would act like it never happened and I would do the same I just wanted to forget everything, but I just couldnít.
I still canít.
I went through depression, anxiety, stress, lack of attention, eating disorders, substance abuse, poor self-esteem, destructive behavior and I tried to commit suicide several times. My mom never knew about it, until some months ago, she had to deal with my behavior all this years, and she didnít know why and I would deny to myself it was because of that because I still wanted to forget.
I would still talk to him, but every time he came around I would be very disrespectful to him or every time he tried to give me a hug or just give me a hello kiss I would go away I didnít even like to be around I hated, I hated the feeling.
As a little girl I thought that what he did was a normal thing to do, and then I realized It wasnít, it was rape, I was being sexually abused, I was being molested, I was only a child, it took my innocence away, it took every sense of childhood, Iím pretty sure that I would have been a normal kid if it wouldnít have been because of that, I asked my mom what was rape when I was 6 because I heard it on the news, and she told me what it was, and in that moment I knew it was what he did to me, and I didnít talk.
I regret not to.
I should have, I should have said something, if I would have talk about it I would have saved the little girl that saved me because the man that molested me itís his brother, and people would have been more careful because itís his brother, I would have saved other little girls and another little boys but I didnít.
I never told and adult, I told to my cousins and to some friends that knew him, they weíre all kids, and they weíre all afraid about him and they didnít said anything to anyone because we were all afraid.
Through all this years my mom asked me several times if someone has ever touched me, and I would always said no, and tried to change subject or just act like I didnít care, like it never happened, so if you have kids, take them to the doctor because we will never tell, and if the kid tells you that he or sheís being molested believe them because weíre kids, we have no idea about sex or anything related to that, take them to the doctor.
I know deep inside, that at some point he was a kid, he was just afraid as I was, he was just confused as I was, he didnít know what was going on or why, I know that he went through the same stuff I went through, but I have talked with other people that went over the same and they never had done anything like that to anyone, God gave them the power to change, they choose to do the right thing, they choose to forget and to forgive, and it was all thanks to God.
I got baptized when I was 13 because I knew this was the truth, and I still feel like that, this is the truth, my mom knows it too, what he did to me itís not the truth and he will be judged by God.
I feel relieved, I really do, but that doesnít change the fact that I went over a big trauma, and Iím writing this for other kids, for other parents that can change the future, that can help other brothers and sisters, to avoid this kind of stuff.
I remember all in flashbacks, and at some point I donít remember some stuff, itís like if I was asleep.
He would touch me in front of my parents but they wouldnít notice because they trusted him because he was a worker at that time, he would touch me under the table, when we were in places that were dark, and he would find an excuse to take me with him to be alone.
My mom knew about my suicidal behavior months ago, but she didnít know why until a few days ago, I told her everything, because I couldnít stand it anymore, I want it to stop.
I shouldíve pray, I shouldíve talk to God, and seek for his help, but I didnít, but other people weíre praying for me, and it was Godís will that I talk about it.
Heís name is Alfonso Quispe Gallegos, brother of Americo Quispe.
Iím sorry for bringing bad news,
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