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Posted by Agent X
on 6/12/2009, 9:46 pm, in reply to "Getting Back on the Iron Horse"
69.180.153.101
----------Diary of Alex Hayden, Friday June 12th----------
Take it to the streets...ugh. She says it like were starting some grass roots political movement, when in actuality, I'll be swimming shoulder deep through rednecks in honky tonk bars. And I, unfortunately, have a severe mullet and sweat pants allergy. But I'll put myself through it, because as crazy as it sounds, I care about both those broads. And I find that hilarious. When I woke up with amnesia I couldn't have been happier. It was a fresh start, a new beginning, a chance to be whoever and whatever I wanted. Frankly it was easy to have nobody to care for, nobody to worry about. I don't know how but they got under my skin. And even if I had a magic wand that could alter the path of my life, I wouldn't change a thing.
Well, maybe I would make Outlaw's boobs real, but other than that, I wouldn't change a thing.
----------The Rusty Pick-Up, Friday June 12th----------
Alex Hayden forces his way through the old west style swinging double door and enters the bar. He trembles with fear as he walks past the line dancers and mounts a stool at the bar. "Sandi better rub lotion on my allergy hives," the mercenary curses to himself as he signals to the cowboy bartender that he'd like a beer. "Now it's time to play the waiting game," he sighs as he takes the first swig from his Pabst Blue Ribbon. Alex scans the establishment, looking for the tell tale signs of somebody in need of help. People drinking to the point of recklessness. People drinking by themselves. People who seem disheveled and unkempt. The mercenary's eyes grow wide as he realizes that everyone in a redneck bar fits into those criteria. Just as panic begins to set in the bar begins to clamor as "Achy Breaky Heart," by Billy Ray Cyrus begins to play overhead. "You can't be serious," he says to himself, "this song is like twenty years old!" he continues as the tone of his voice continues to rise. "Why not just play something by his even less talented daughter?" Alex leaps from his bar stool with the fear of a caged animal in his eyes. "If I don't get out of here I'm going to have to hire me to kill myself."
"Attention everyone!" He screams as he bounds atop the bar. "I'm having a BOGO sale on murders for hire, that's right you buy one you get the second one for free!" The mass of customers begin to laugh through their toothless mouths, either confused or amused by the outburst. "It's not a joke people...here watch!" He shouts as he draws his forty five caliber handgun from the back of his pants. "Who wants to help me with a little experiment!?!" Some of the customers drop to the ground in fear, while the majority draw their own weapons and aim them at the cocky mercenary. "You sir!" he says while tucking his gun back into his pants and walking toward a man with a shotgun. "Let's play Mythbusters, you be Adam, I'll be Jaime."
"I ain't interested in playin' with ya," the redneck says while raising his sawed off shotgun toward Alex's chest.
"Fine you can be Jaime, and I'll be the ginger" he concedes before sticking his pointer finger inside of the barrel of the man's shotgun. "Bugs Bunny used to always plug Elmer Fudd's gun with his one little finger, and the gun always backfired in Elmer's face." The redneck begins to scowl, obviously not amused by the rhetoric. "What do you think will happen when you pull the trigger now?"
"You really want me to do it?" The redneck stammers with the stench of stale beer on his breath.
"Unless you're scared it's gonna blow your face off." As he finishes speaking the shotgun wielding man discharges his weapon, mangling Alex's right hand and leaving a bloody stump in its wake. "Arg," he grunts, "remind me to kill Mel Blanc," he quips before shouting, " If I'm willing to do to myself, just imagine what I'll do to your enemies!" Most of the crowd sprints for the door at the horrific sight leaving one man man in a business suit, cowboy hat and bola tie standing alone in the center of the dance floor.
"You know what, I could use a boy like you," the man states as a huge smile spreads across his face.
*To Be Continued in Big trouble in Little Mutant Town*
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