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Posted by Ash (Moon Knight)
on 8/30/2008, 8:51 pm, in reply to "Evil Dead 4: War of Virtue (pt. 3)"
12.191.61.45
You ever hear of a “Eureka moment?” The eggheads say it’s when you have some big revelation. It could be a problem you’ve wrestled with for years, or a nagging concern that finally gets worked out. It can even be that moment you realize that no matter what you do you’re screwed; next in line for the slice and dice. On the last train to Vegas and lost your ticket. Or about to go swimming with the fishes and I aint talking dolphins here.
Or when you realize you may have gotten in over your head and you just pissed away a perfectly good job at S-Mart to come gallivant around in Hell or wherever you are only to find out you just jumped the shark and its all downhill from here.
Then again sometimes it could just be when a plan comes together and we all know how we love it when a plan comes together.
“There has to be something in here for this. These damned things is filled with verses and passages and screwed up rituals!” Ash tore through the shelved of books that lined the walls of his “quarters”. More like a den or waiting area at a brothel. And speaking of brothels…
“I see you’re finding ways to amuse yourself. We have agreed and Greed and Sloth are performing the ritual to bring your beloved Sheila back to you.” Lust sauntered into the room. Her gown fallen down past her shoulders. “But perhaps I could offer a better suggestion to pass the time?”
“I might be able to be persuaded.” Ash stood and waited for her to come to him. Didn’t want to look to anxious. Besides this was the only way he was going to be able to test his plan. If you could call it a plan, most people would call it an idea or hell even a shot in the dark. “Darlin’ you don’t know the half of it.”
She went to him and they embraced. He swept the books from the table nearby and laid her down atop it. “Its sugar time baby and pappa loves the sweets!”
Now don’t get me wrong I love Sheila with all my heart I’ve said it before we’re soul mates. Hell I wouldn’t be risking all this if not for her. Now I’m sure you’ve all heard it before but I’m doing her…uh…this for Sheila. Yeah yeah I’m a pig, I know but give it a bit and you’ll see. Not that I’m tooting my own horn or nothing but if there’s love needed to be made I’m the man for the job not that I can’t succumb to the two pump chump syndrome like any other man but I am the Chosen One and this…this here is all part of my plans. Now all I have to do is be the man she’s never had.
“OH MY GOD!!! How many times can you do this!?!”
“I got a few more left in me baby.” Ash wiped the sweat from his eyes but kept with the plan.
Now you’re getting the picture. Well hopefully not a picture, it’s been awhile since I been to a tanning booth so my ass if a bit whiter than I’d like. I’ve lost count hell I started faking it too long ago to remember. And no I normally don’t think about this when I’m in the throws of passion but I do have to do something to keep my mind off of what I’m doing if you know what I’m saying.
“Please stop.” She lay beneath him and had experienced fully why the ladies love Ashley J. Williams more than she could physically stand. “I beg of you no more.”
Ash slowly pulled away from her and exhaled.
“I have never been with a mortal who could perform as you as often as you. I’ve never been--”
“We’re done so I don’t want to hear the pillow talk baby.” Ash was putting on his clothes and picked up his Boomstick to place in his back holster. “Oh and by the way I forgot one thing.”
“What’s tha--”
Her sentence was cut short as the stock of the Boomstick tore across her jaw. It snapped and she lifted her hands up to try and keep it from dangling. Ash brought the stock down over and over and over again until he was satisfied she was done. “We just weren’t right for each other.”
“Okay. Ash now you know that at least one of your ideas worked. Here’s to hoping the next ones do and fast.”
>>> Envy’s Chambers <<<
“Knock. Knock kid. You in there?” Ash opened the door and looked upon Envy sliding something beneath his pillow. “What you got there kid, porn?”
“Stop it! I will not allow you to make fun of me like the others!”
“Hey, kid--er Livius, I wasn’t trying to.” Ash sat down beside him. “That’s just how I am you know. I’m not trying to be the bully, I just wanted to see how things were going, you know.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. See since its looking like I might take this deal of yours since Oldy and Lazy are getting me my girl back I figured I’d hit you up since you like the one I’ve known the longest.” Ash looked sincere. God if I have to swallow any more of this crap I’m going to puke.
Envy stared at him. “Why?”
“Hey I’m the new guy and I thought we could be friends.” Ash stood and turned for the door. “I guess I went to the wrong room.”
“I’ve never had a real friend you know. I’ve always wanted one to have someone not look down on me.” Envy stood and watched Ash stop but he didn’t turn around. “I’d like that, to have a real friend.”
“Kid you an me we could have some great times together.” Ash started to take another step toward the door. “But I don’t want to pressure you or nothing.”
“I want to be your friend.”
“My equal? Partner? Buddy? Pal? That kind of thing. No looking up to me at all?” Ash smiled since the boy couldn’t see him.
“Yes. I’d like that very much.”
Ash dropped his shoulder and the pull string for the chainsaw fell into its catch so he could start it with one hand. “So there’s no reason for you to be envious of me any more is there?”
“None what so ever.” Envy stepped closer then stopped. “No one has ever been so kind to me to actually just talk to me, to get to know me and be my friend. Thank you.”
It’s now or never, besides if he keeps this up he might just guilt me out of doing it. Ash pushed his arm out the catch straining until the chainsaw started and was swinging around just in time to see Envy’s eyes grow wide. The roaring chainsaw blade met with flesh at mid neck and barely paused as it cut clean through.
Ash stood over the decapitated body and cocked his head. He pushed them both beneath the bed then paused as he stood. He reached down and moved the pillow to find a picture of Gluttony.
“Heh. Trust me kid you’d thank me if you were alive.” Ash tossed the picture down onto the bed. “No one deserves to suffer through that.“
>>> The Dining Area (Where else) <<<
“Who’s up for a little brunch?” Ash walked in the room and nearly had to avert his eyes from Gluttony’s eating display. “I can make one hell of a hot plate special and my milkshakes are to die for.”
“Yes, yes please. I would love to try some.” Or at least that’s what he thought she said. There was too much and not enough air going in that mouth to really be sure.
He kept his back to her as he mixed the ingredients to the milkshake. He probably wouldn’t even had needed to as little as she was paying attention as she stuffed her face. “Here ya go.”
She snatched the shake from his hand and drained it down in what seemed like one gulp. “Ummm. That was good.”
“How about another?” Ash hadn’t been able to put all the laxatives and diet pills in there at once for fear she would notice the taste.
“If you would.”
“No problem.” Ash continued to make more milkshakes beyond running out of the ingredients. Hell he even just throwing some things in that he saw lying around to see if she’d actually eat them and she did.
Finally a low rumbling growl could be heard and it wasn’t a passing Amtrak. “Oh I think I’m going to be sick. I’m feeling a little light headed. What all did you put into those things?”
“Here I made you some more. Take it.” Ash held out another glass in his metal hand.
“No. No. I really shouldn’t.”
“Really I must insist.” Ash let the glass drop and snapped his metal hand around her throat. He squeezed with all his might but she wasn’t weak enough to be killed this way. Then he remembered one of the packages he had seen on the table. He reached out with his free hand as Gluttony tried to stand. He brought the package of communion wafers to his mouth and tore them open spilling them every where, barely managing to catch one in his free hand. In his best John Cleese voice he shouted. “Here’s your one thin wafer!”
Ash hoped this would work as he shoved the wafer down her throat past her rotten teeth till it became lodged where he hand was wrapped tightly. Her eyes bulged and her face turned blue. She finally did stand and began flailing about like a mad elephant. Ash was barely able to hang on to his grip around her throat.
Then finally she succumbed and fell to the ground with Ash beneath her. As he struggled to free himself from beneath her he wondered which was harder choking her or trying to get her fat ass off of him. “Okay. This was definitely not part of my plan.”
He pushed with all his strength but she didn’t budge. With each breath he felt his chest constricting till the point blackness started to fade into the corners of his vision. A slight chuckle escaped his lips as he realized the irony in his present situation given what he had just done to Gluttony.
Read on…
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