Posted by Whit on June 13, 2008, 10:12 pm, in reply to "Re: Separation"
1. See atleast two attorneys and even a gay one would be nice. Prepare a list of questions. 2. I gave myself a month to move out, but am still going through hell, but get your attorney first and a good one. Remember, freedome is worth is. 3. My Bears are young. Tell them you both love him, but you can't live with each other. It will be hard even after moving out, but they adjust. 4. Stick around and find all the support you can and scream, cry and yell. You may do better than any of us. Who knows. I wish I would have found a good attorney first. I have been through several. Always watch your back.
--Previous Message-- : Hiding, I don't know how this works in your : state, but please at least talk with an : attorney before moving out. I have read on : this board that in some states, moving out : is considered abandonment, and may be used : against you if/when you divorce in custody : and property issues. Better to be proactive, : and look before you leap. Good luck! : : --Previous Message-- : Thanks for your response Amy. I guess I : prefer separation because it's not as final. : Since I told my H about my feelings and : relationship with GF, it's only been 3 : weeks....things have moved very fast from : there. He was shocked and hurt...I'm : confused, but know that (and I'm not making : excuses) one of the reasons I cheated was : because our marriage has not been happy for : some time. He wants to work on things--I'm : not sure if the things that are wrong with : our marriage are fixable--especially since : I'm struggling with sexuality issues. BUT, : because it's been so fast, I feel like I : might be somewhat irrational...I want to do : the separation because I feel trapped right : now and don't think we can work on anything : while living in the same house. I feel like : I need to work on me and he needs to work on : himself (he's an alcoholic) before we can : have any sort of "fresh start". I : guess I feel like I can't throw away 7 years : of marriage and many more years of dating in : a time period of 3 weeks (even though I'm : realistic that the problems started much, : much longer ago). I feel like I deserve : that and I owe it to hiim and our son. I : don't think we would do a legal : separation--I think we can agree on things. : I've heard that a legal separation is as : expensive as divorce... : : --Previous Message-- : I guess the question is why do you prefer : separation over divorce? I separated from my : H before we got divorced for two years : simply because we couldn't agree on the : terms. I was not going to live with someone : just because he was too unreasonable to : agree on assets and debts. So out he moved. : : I filed for divorce the same day I changed : the locks and got a restraining order. It : didn't come to fruition for another two long : years. : : I didn't really take an approach. He begged : me to stay but his actions made it : impossible for us to live together. We : finally had a huge fight and I left to visit : my mother. I told him to be gone when I came : home. He was. We had talked about it before, : I brought it up because he was taking out : his frustration on me for not being able to : be the wife he wanted. But we had agreed to : try to stay together because I thought his : mental health was too tenuous to ask him to : leave. I didn't realize it, but by doing : that I was encouraging him to stay unstable : and leading him on about a future that I : knew couldn't exist. : : So, I guess I would wonder what the : advantage of separation is? You still need : to agree on the assets and debts in the : exact same manner as divorce if you get a : legal separation. And you still need to deal : with custody. Why is it that you don't want : to divorce if you are willing to separate? : : I don't have kids, so I don't have much to : offer there. My parents told me that they : had decided that they needed to separate and : that I would be living with my mom. I took : it fine. : : --Previous Message-- : Looking for advice for those that have been : or : are separated from their spouses...I'm going : to talk with my H about it tonight. We : talked a little about this a couple of : nights ago--he was more inclined towards : divorce--he doesn't want to wait around to : be hurt again...I really think separation is : the way to go. We're talking again tonight : and I've started looking at rentals. I : guess I'm wondering a couple of things: : What approach did you take? did you set a : timeline? If you have children: how did you : approach custody....and if you have young : children (mine is 4 and a half), how did you : tell them? Thanks! : : : : : : :