Posted by Amy on June 13, 2008, 4:20 pm, in reply to "Separation"
I guess the question is why do you prefer separation over divorce? I separated from my H before we got divorced for two years simply because we couldn't agree on the terms. I was not going to live with someone just because he was too unreasonable to agree on assets and debts. So out he moved.
I filed for divorce the same day I changed the locks and got a restraining order. It didn't come to fruition for another two long years.
I didn't really take an approach. He begged me to stay but his actions made it impossible for us to live together. We finally had a huge fight and I left to visit my mother. I told him to be gone when I came home. He was. We had talked about it before, I brought it up because he was taking out his frustration on me for not being able to be the wife he wanted. But we had agreed to try to stay together because I thought his mental health was too tenuous to ask him to leave. I didn't realize it, but by doing that I was encouraging him to stay unstable and leading him on about a future that I knew couldn't exist.
So, I guess I would wonder what the advantage of separation is? You still need to agree on the assets and debts in the exact same manner as divorce if you get a legal separation. And you still need to deal with custody. Why is it that you don't want to divorce if you are willing to separate?
I don't have kids, so I don't have much to offer there. My parents told me that they had decided that they needed to separate and that I would be living with my mom. I took it fine.
--Previous Message-- : Looking for advice for those that have been or : are separated from their spouses...I'm going : to talk with my H about it tonight. We : talked a little about this a couple of : nights ago--he was more inclined towards : divorce--he doesn't want to wait around to : be hurt again...I really think separation is : the way to go. We're talking again tonight : and I've started looking at rentals. I : guess I'm wondering a couple of things: : What approach did you take? did you set a : timeline? If you have children: how did you : approach custody....and if you have young : children (mine is 4 and a half), how did you : tell them? Thanks! :