Posted by pixiepaperdoll on November 7, 2009, 8:05 pm
I have known that I have liked girls since I was 10 years old and had my first girlfriend. We were never sexual, but always acted out being Ļhusband and wifeĻ together. I was always more confused over whether or not I liked boys. At 14, I had my first sexual encounter with a boy, and at 16, my first serious relationship with a girl.
At that point in my life, my closest male cousin came out of the closet. He was 22 and the one person in the family I was most alike to. After the dust settled in the family, my mother pulled me aside and asked me if I were having a relationship with my then girlfriend. I denied it out of fear. She then begged me, ĻPlease, donīt be gay! I want grandchildren!Ļ
For the next 4 years I struggled with my sexuality. I didnīt know what I wanted. I let myself be used by men, and chased after women to no avail. Then shortly after my 20th birthday, I met a sweet and wonderful man. I told him I was bisexual. He was alright with that. He REALLY loved me, completely and unconditionally.
Not a year later, I was pregnant, and year after that, married with a baby boy.
Now Iīve just turned 29, still with just the one child, and still married to that same wonderful man. We have had relationships outside of our marriage, but they have always fallen flat.
At this point, we havenīt been intimate with each other for months. Mostly due to my disintrest, because heīs always interested. I am starting to wonder if I am even attracted to men anymore. I donīt know what to do.
If anyone has any thoughts, or advice... anything really. I could use the help.
Thank you
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