Posted by Roxanne on November 7, 2009, 3:16 pm, in reply to "My Journey"
I can totally understand. My journey went faster than I would have liked at first. But things happen for a reason I suppose. Right now I am wishing things were moving faster... funny how I wanted them slower just 6 months ago, and now I wish the next 2 years would fly by. Sometimes giving up control is all we can do and trust fate and know that we are heading in the direction we should be.
--Previous Message--
: When I began my relationship with my GF 2 1/2
: years ago I was naive and thought everything
: would go exactly as planned and I would have
: complete control of everything. Fast
: forward to today, I am not so naive anymore.
: I feel like I have lost complete control of
: everything. I am dressing the part more and
: more, people are starting to assume that I
: am, but they never take the time to ask me.
: Instead they talk about it when I am not
: around. If they would just take the time to
: ask me, I would be happy to tell them my
: story, but they do not want to know my
: story, the just want to make their own
: assumptions about who I am. We planned to
: tell her H and my H, friends, and family in
: our own time. That own time is not so real
: anymore. I told my H way before anyone else
: because he asked. Her H found a note that I
: wrote to her in the beginning of our
: relationship. He told her sister. Her
: sister told her mom. We are pretty sure
: that her in-laws know. After the letter and
: her H sharing it with who he felt like
: sharing it with, I thought things were
: somewhat back under my control, especially
: when it came to the decision to divorce.
:
: My H asked last night if I wanted him to
: leave. I was so shocked, I did not even
: know what to say. I was scared and nervous.
: My answer was that I had to work some
: things out in my mind and that when I had
: come to a conclusion I would let him know.
: He translated that into, me wanting to leave
: now and me taking our D away from him. The
: truth is that I am not ready to walk away at
: this point, more for financial reasons than
: anything and I am definitely not going to
: take our D away from him. Since the
: conversation last night we have not really
: talked. He left to go to work this morning
: and never said goodbye. Since then though
: he has sent me a text message asking me to
: reconsider because he would be financially
: unstable and that he would become an
: alcoholic. I do not even know how I am
: suppose to respond to that.
:
: I told the GF this morning that he asked me
: if I wanted a divorce. I told her I was
: feeling nervous. I was terrified that she
: would walk away from me when it came to this
: point and her having to make a commitment to
: me exclusively. However, her response was
: quite different than I expected. She did
: what I trusted her to do and she said she
: would tell her H that she wanted it to be
: just us if I wanted her too. I should have
: never doubted her because she is truly on
: track this time with me and it is real and
: obvious she is in love with me. I told her
: not to rush to having that conversation. I
: want her to do it on her own time, not mine.
:
: I just hope I make it through this without
: going insane. My journey is moving a little
: faster than I like and I wish I could gain
: control of it again. I know that I cannot
: so it is time to speed up and catch the
: journey before it runs away with me.
:
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