Posted by backwardstoad on November 7, 2009, 10:28 am, in reply to "yes. . ."
"We never, ever made love." Amen to that glitter. I never, ever made love until i met my ex-gf. Not even close. It was sex for sex. Very enlightening for me. Thank you.
--Previous Message--
: not to post a whole lot, but I also turned
: myself into a total sexual
: object(outrageously so) in order to try and
: feel "normal" about the sex and to
: try and save the marriage. My H was in
: heaven. He thought he had the most fabulous
: wife a guy could ask for. He would tell me
: how interesting I made life. I tried so
: hard. I would say we never, ever "made
: love". 14 years of sex. That's why I
: say I am a great actress. I wasn't doing it
: on purpose, just didn't know or couldn't
: handle the truth. It does make the whole
: gay conundrum even more confusing when
: trying to sort it out. I hope in the future
: to be able to have a healthy outlook.
:
:
:
: --Previous Message--
: I think the only way I know how to love a
: man
: is addictively. In the past this has
: certainly been the case, and now it's true
: with my H. I don't know how to love and
: desire a man 'normally'. I know how to
: pleasure a man and how to be sexy, but I
: don't know how to mix love and sex with men
: in a healthy way.
:
: THANK GOD I now know that I don't even
: desire sex with men in the same way that I
: desire women. Two completely different
: feelings. The addictive feeling is stronger,
: believe it or not, and has really come back
: to bite me in the ass these past few weeks.
: It's been confusing, separating the
: addictive feelings from the "real"
: feelings.
:
: I've sincerely been trying to work on this
: marriage. Trying to want him sexually. The
: only way I can do it is by becoming this
: object of sexuality vs REALLY desiring it
: apparantly. I think this has always been the
: case too. I don't really want it, but it's
: the only way I know how.
:
: I liked who I was becoming. I was getting
: healthy. I was focused on other things, and
: I felt good about myself.
:
: I think I am gay, but my childhood wounds
: have created this pain, and it also has
: acted as the perfect mask for my leabian
: feelings.
:
:
: If you don't know about sex addiction you
: might think it's all about sleeping with
: tons of people or neglecting your family.
: This is not the case for me, and I really
: have come to understand it over the past few
: years thru tons of therapy. In trying to
: "save" the marriage, this is the
: only thing I've got...sexually speaking that
: is. I don't want to have sex with him, and I
: don't know how to do it in a healthy way.
:
: He is thrilled BTW, and that makes the whole
: thing ever more sad.
:
: Has anyone else been thru this? It really
: adds a whole other dimension of confusion to
: the whole "gay or not gay"
: conundrum.
:
: Phew, I had to admit these things on here I
: think in order to move forward.
:
: Please don't judge me. Thanks for listening.
:
: GL
:
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