Posted by greenlilly on November 6, 2009, 11:59 pm, in reply to "yes. . ."
hey sister!
"actress"...YES, it is acting. It's a total act.
as for my H, he has his own issues as well. When I'm not in "objectify me" mode, it's clear as day how emotionally disconnected he is from me.
Sounds like you have a good understanding of things gg! Thanks for sharing.
GL
--Previous Message--
: not to post a whole lot, but I also turned
: myself into a total sexual
: object(outrageously so) in order to try and
: feel "normal" about the sex and to
: try and save the marriage. My H was in
: heaven. He thought he had the most fabulous
: wife a guy could ask for. He would tell me
: how interesting I made life. I tried so
: hard. I would say we never, ever "made
: love". 14 years of sex. That's why I
: say I am a great actress. I wasn't doing it
: on purpose, just didn't know or couldn't
: handle the truth. It does make the whole
: gay conundrum even more confusing when
: trying to sort it out. I hope in the future
: to be able to have a healthy outlook.
:
:
:
: --Previous Message--
: I think the only way I know how to love a
: man
: is addictively. In the past this has
: certainly been the case, and now it's true
: with my H. I don't know how to love and
: desire a man 'normally'. I know how to
: pleasure a man and how to be sexy, but I
: don't know how to mix love and sex with men
: in a healthy way.
:
: THANK GOD I now know that I don't even
: desire sex with men in the same way that I
: desire women. Two completely different
: feelings. The addictive feeling is stronger,
: believe it or not, and has really come back
: to bite me in the ass these past few weeks.
: It's been confusing, separating the
: addictive feelings from the "real"
: feelings.
:
: I've sincerely been trying to work on this
: marriage. Trying to want him sexually. The
: only way I can do it is by becoming this
: object of sexuality vs REALLY desiring it
: apparantly. I think this has always been the
: case too. I don't really want it, but it's
: the only way I know how.
:
: I liked who I was becoming. I was getting
: healthy. I was focused on other things, and
: I felt good about myself.
:
: I think I am gay, but my childhood wounds
: have created this pain, and it also has
: acted as the perfect mask for my leabian
: feelings.
:
:
: If you don't know about sex addiction you
: might think it's all about sleeping with
: tons of people or neglecting your family.
: This is not the case for me, and I really
: have come to understand it over the past few
: years thru tons of therapy. In trying to
: "save" the marriage, this is the
: only thing I've got...sexually speaking that
: is. I don't want to have sex with him, and I
: don't know how to do it in a healthy way.
:
: He is thrilled BTW, and that makes the whole
: thing ever more sad.
:
: Has anyone else been thru this? It really
: adds a whole other dimension of confusion to
: the whole "gay or not gay"
: conundrum.
:
: Phew, I had to admit these things on here I
: think in order to move forward.
:
: Please don't judge me. Thanks for listening.
:
: GL
:
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:
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