Posted by autumn_mom on November 6, 2009, 5:06 pm, in reply to "Autumn Mom"
Oh, Katy. I would love to talk to you, too. But I need to think about it and talk it over with my husband first. I know you just mean to talk as supportive women struggling with some similar things--deeply struggling, I should say! But the woman I loved, the one that brought all this out in me last year, was a friend I made on the internet--not at a dating site or a support site like this, but the internet just the same, and I am really gun-shy now about connecting personally with any of you.
And he asked me for 100% honesty and faithfulness. I know to him, sharing my email address or the like with a woman on AJ would be...a step towards unfaithfulness in his book. That's how it started with her. But if I tell him, and explain you want to share/get support, then I've covered the honesty portion of my pledge. As far as faithfulness goes, I just don't have the trust to keep my heart from getting involved with women. The only thing that makes me feel somewhat safe is that I am still so f-ing heartbroken over her. Eight months later and it hurts so much still. Sheesh.
I am so sorry to overwhelm you with all my stuff, but I didn't want you to feel like I was giving you the brush off when I would like to connect, but..it is a very sticky situation for me when I get close to other gay(ish) women. I can already tell you and I would get along... 
I'll write again next week after talking with him. One day I might be free to make friends with women like you, but not right now.
Is there anyway we could just write back and forth here on this thread? It's not ideal, but...it might be my best offer.
-autumn_mom (I'm glad you liked my "name")
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