Posted by Kid on November 6, 2009, 2:54 pm, in reply to "vulnerable confession"
Wow Greenlilly,
I’m a new reader/poster here, but the tenor of this post is so different from others of yours in the recent past. Must have required tremendous heart and soul searching and I applaud you for your willingness to explore it and post. Gave me something to think about for myself, too.
My circumstance is different in that I’ve always recognized my discomfort with being a woman trying to relate intimately/sexually with a man (a once out, then repressed lesbian, here). Did try for the first few years of marriage to be what I thought I was supposed to be—call it what you want; I’m actually afraid to try to name it—but I just couldn’t do it. It’s been 15 years since I last tried. That’s a long time. Unfortunately, my husband never made any demands of me, so we never challenged each other to try to figure this out. That’s another story of course.
Anyway, for any of us it seems the challenge is to determine how to healthfully intertwine desire, love, and sex, whether with a man or a woman. And maybe for you, it is the more fundamental question, rather than the question of your orientation.
Thanks for making me think.
--Previous Message--
: I think the only way I know how to love a man
: is addictively. In the past this has
: certainly been the case, and now it's true
: with my H. I don't know how to love and
: desire a man 'normally'. I know how to
: pleasure a man and how to be sexy, but I
: don't know how to mix love and sex with men
: in a healthy way.
:
: THANK GOD I now know that I don't even
: desire sex with men in the same way that I
: desire women. Two completely different
: feelings. The addictive feeling is stronger,
: believe it or not, and has really come back
: to bite me in the ass these past few weeks.
: It's been confusing, separating the
: addictive feelings from the "real"
: feelings.
:
: I've sincerely been trying to work on this
: marriage. Trying to want him sexually. The
: only way I can do it is by becoming this
: object of sexuality vs REALLY desiring it
: apparantly. I think this has always been the
: case too. I don't really want it, but it's
: the only way I know how.
:
: I liked who I was becoming. I was getting
: healthy. I was focused on other things, and
: I felt good about myself.
:
: I think I am gay, but my childhood wounds
: have created this pain, and it also has
: acted as the perfect mask for my leabian
: feelings.
:
:
: If you don't know about sex addiction you
: might think it's all about sleeping with
: tons of people or neglecting your family.
: This is not the case for me, and I really
: have come to understand it over the past few
: years thru tons of therapy. In trying to
: "save" the marriage, this is the
: only thing I've got...sexually speaking that
: is. I don't want to have sex with him, and I
: don't know how to do it in a healthy way.
:
: He is thrilled BTW, and that makes the whole
: thing ever more sad.
:
: Has anyone else been thru this? It really
: adds a whole other dimension of confusion to
: the whole "gay or not gay"
: conundrum.
:
: Phew, I had to admit these things on here I
: think in order to move forward.
:
: Please don't judge me. Thanks for listening.
:
: GL
:
:
:
Message Thread:
« Back to thread