Posted by ccsgirl on November 6, 2009, 1:21 pm
Hi all,
I’ve been reading here for quite some time and posted a few times already, but haven’t gotten around until now to introducing myself. First, I want to thank all the women here that share so much of themselves, each person has added so much to my journey! JB, don’t mean to disregard any one else, but I totally love your direct style…so many of your postings have been like a light bulb in my head…can’t thank you enough 
I’m 39, married for 18 years (separated for the past 6 months), have 4 children, and have fully committed myself to the most amazingly beautiful woman. My GF and I met around this same time last year; she and I were both co owners of our own respective businesses located in the same shopping center. She is a LLL and had been with her partner on and off for the past 10 years. During the last holiday season we were both extremely busy with our stores and didn’t really get to spend much time together other than the occasional “hello, how’s your day” sort of chit chat. After the holidays were over and business pretty much died, we started spending each morning sitting in front of her store sipping coffee, talking, and getting to really know each other. Eventually our half hour mornings turned into a couple hours and then we were basically rushing to get our work done and out of the way so we could spend every spare minute with each other. I realized very quickly that I was extremely attracted to her, but I wasn’t really sure how she felt about me. Every day I would vow to spend less time with her, convincing myself that she wasn’t interested in me but just a very genuinely friendly person, and every day I would find myself sitting there totally absorbed in her. Finally one day I just admitted to her that I couldn’t come down and spend time with her anymore because I was getting too attached, figuring that she would say something like “I’m sorry that’s not how I feel about you” or something along that line, but to my surprise and excitement her exact words were “I know, me too”. The next day she came into my store just to talk about us…it was confusing, exciting, scary…you name the emotion and I was feeling it. We talked for awhile about what we both wanted to do about how we were feeling and basically decided to play it by ear; I even mentioned that I wouldn’t be able to do anything for at least another two years because I wanted my two oldest children out of school first. We look back at that conversation now and just laugh at how naïve we were in thinking that this relationship would have waited that long.
That conversation was in March, we became intimate with each other about a month later, and I realized, even before the intimacy, that I couldn’t stay in my marriage. I told my h that I was in love with her, told him that our marriage wasn’t going to work, and moved out to my own place at the beginning of May. Gf moved in with me around the end of July, my daughter lives with me full time, the oldest boy comes to visit occasionally, but stays with his dad, and the younger two split time between my house and his.
That’s the condensed version obviously, we had some very bad emotional times through the whole thing; he was hurt, the older children were hurt and upset, the younger two were confused, her partner was hurt, but through the whole thing she and I were falling deeper and deeper in love with each other. Neither of us had ideal relationships prior to meeting each other, we weren’t truly happy in our marriage/partnerships, nor were we exactly unhappy, but I had already had thoughts that after the youngest two were grown I would leave. She and her partner were almost always in disagreement about something, they were just so used to being together that they just stayed.
Gf and I, meeting each other, it was like finally waking up and realizing that total soul-consuming love wasn’t just some myth. I never understood it; never really got the whole “I love you” thing until I met her and it’s just gotten better, deeper, and more fulfilling as time has gone on. She’s the only woman I’ve ever been with and it’s the hottest, most sexually satisfying relationship I’ve ever experienced in my life, but it goes so much farther than that…so much more emotional, so much more equal and connected. Our relationship started fast and yet it was never fast enough, it was never a question of “should I do this” but more of a “how can I not do this”; being apart from her…being with someone else was pure hell. We’ve talked about it many times; for us there has never been a moment of regret, never a moment of doubt that we belong together. My h and I have discussed the divorce process, but neither of us are financially ready as of yet to face it head on. He seems very happy lately, I work in the same office with him and he’s come in a few times whistling…I’m pretty sure he’s seeing someone now too. My daughter is the happiest I’ve ever seen her, she finally has a stable relationship with her dad because they aren’t always in the same house together; she has a great relationship with my gf and will talk to her about things that she isn’t comfortable discussing with mom. My oldest son seemed okay with my relationship with gf in the beginning, has pulled away from me in the last month or so, but he’s 18 now so he doesn’t really want to be around me much at this point anyway. My youngest two are totally in love with gf and she with them, they don’t even question why she’s there but they complain the loudest when she isn’t. My immediate family, with the exception of my oldest brother, has been very supportive of my new lifestyle, basically telling me that they just want me to be happy. H’s family has totally disowned me, and I’ve lost a few friends, but I’ve also accepted the fact that I’m responsible for my own happiness and I'm choosing the best way for me.
Ccsgirl
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