Posted by Roxanne on November 5, 2009, 12:02 pm, in reply to "H dating other women and my green-eyed monster"
My H also found a gf. But she lives 2 hours away. So he often will sleep over night there and spend the day. I am a bit jealous of the freedom he has with her, I could never do this with my gf. Anways, I have no issues with him seeing someone, or sleeping with someone else. But since he has, we don't talk much at all. Which fine, but I also find us fighting more. I don't know what she is saying to him, but he says things like, "You are lucky I am still here I could leave your ass" Things he never would have said before. Because we both agreed to our current arrangement.
The other issue I have is her possibly raising my kids, as you said. I know we have some differences. Like she lets her kids shoot bb guns. I firmly don't believe in guns period. I don't believe even with a responsible adult a bb gun is a thing to play with, even for target practice. Its just my belief. Me and H got i a huge blowout about this, because I said I don't want our kids shooting bb guns even when they are older. He said its fine if he was watching. My problem is when a parent isn't around and the kid decides to get into the bb gun and well accidents happen. And hopefully by the time they can legally go buy one, they have more common sense than an 8 year old. Anyways, its these type of issues that get my feathers ruffled.
I don't know if we will ever go back to be good friends at this point. It seems more of a battle of the wits at times.
--Previous Message--
: I am grappling with yet another feeling and
: new situation (seriously people, which
: situation will FINALLY be the cherry on top
: and I can start eating my way through the
: sundae to the bottom??).
:
: I have nooooo desire physically for my h.
: Haven't had for years and no hope that it
: will ever be there(and question if I even
: did in the beginning). Right now, I am
: actually feeling a lot of anger towards him
: (this can be worked out as he has stepped up
: and I know I can work through anger). Every
: little thing he does irritates me this past
: month or so. Yet, I think if we worked on
: it, I could get back to the place where he
: is by far my most supportive, funny,
: fun-to-be-with, understanding friend.
:
: He has set up a few dates. I don't feel
: like I can tell him not to since I have had
: a gf and I also know I won't ever desire him
: and the thought of him physically with
: someone else is just fine by me. No issues
: with that. However, the thought of him in
: the future sitting on the porch step with a
: glass of wine talking and laughing with
: someone else makes me cringe. My little
: green-eyed monster wants to claw some eyes
: out and this is just a fictional woman at
: this point. I also can't stand the thought
: of someone else mothering my babies. How do
: I get past these feelings? I don't want
: him, but I don't want anyone else to have
: him either (ugh, I feel horrible saying
: that). I want to have my cake and eat it,
: too. . .right? How do you truly let go of a
: relationship? I think my way of doing that
: right now is to get angry and push him away,
: but I want to remain close friends with him.
: HELP! Would couples therapy help with this
: or is this something I tackle in my own
: therapy?
:
: For those of you who chose to leave your H
: even though you were emotionally very close,
: how did you do it? Are you still good
: friends? Do you ever regret leaving?
:
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