Posted by upsidedown on November 5, 2009, 11:58 am, in reply to "H dating other women and my green-eyed monster"
And it caught me totally off guard. I'm sure if you look back about 4 or 5 months here you will find a similar post from me.
Honestly, in the beginning I was a mess when he started seeing someone. It was devastating to me even though intellectually I knew it shouldn't have bothered me.
The best thing I can tell you is that for me, as time went on, the jealousy went away. I got used to the idea of him seeing someone else.
I can't remember if you and your H still live together but if you do I can also say that living apart helps ALOT. Usually now I don't know if he is with someone or not. When we were living in the same house I was acutely aware of when he went and how long he was gone and when he spent the night, etc.
So, hang in there. It will get better I believe as time goes on.
jen
--Previous Message--
: I am grappling with yet another feeling and
: new situation (seriously people, which
: situation will FINALLY be the cherry on top
: and I can start eating my way through the
: sundae to the bottom??).
:
: I have nooooo desire physically for my h.
: Haven't had for years and no hope that it
: will ever be there(and question if I even
: did in the beginning). Right now, I am
: actually feeling a lot of anger towards him
: (this can be worked out as he has stepped up
: and I know I can work through anger). Every
: little thing he does irritates me this past
: month or so. Yet, I think if we worked on
: it, I could get back to the place where he
: is by far my most supportive, funny,
: fun-to-be-with, understanding friend.
:
: He has set up a few dates. I don't feel
: like I can tell him not to since I have had
: a gf and I also know I won't ever desire him
: and the thought of him physically with
: someone else is just fine by me. No issues
: with that. However, the thought of him in
: the future sitting on the porch step with a
: glass of wine talking and laughing with
: someone else makes me cringe. My little
: green-eyed monster wants to claw some eyes
: out and this is just a fictional woman at
: this point. I also can't stand the thought
: of someone else mothering my babies. How do
: I get past these feelings? I don't want
: him, but I don't want anyone else to have
: him either (ugh, I feel horrible saying
: that). I want to have my cake and eat it,
: too. . .right? How do you truly let go of a
: relationship? I think my way of doing that
: right now is to get angry and push him away,
: but I want to remain close friends with him.
: HELP! Would couples therapy help with this
: or is this something I tackle in my own
: therapy?
:
: For those of you who chose to leave your H
: even though you were emotionally very close,
: how did you do it? Are you still good
: friends? Do you ever regret leaving?
:
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