Posted by him or her on November 5, 2009, 10:07 am
I hope this doesn't get too confusing, but I will try my best. I have been married to my H for 5 years. Approximately 3.5 years ago our closest friends decided to divorce because she was questioning her sexuality (and apparently had been for a while, but brushed it aside). About 8 months later my H decided to let her move in with us since she was having some financial troubles. H was also working out of town at the time and was only home on the weekends so he thought she would be good company for me during the week. She and I definitely got closer during this time as we spent so much time together.
One night she and I were having a couple of drinks and talking and we kissed. It wasn't the first time we had kissed (we had kissed playing some drinking games before), but this time was much different. It was very intense. It felt good, almost right. This started to become a more regular thing.
This is when things get interesting. One weekend when H was home. The three of us were sitting around having some drinks and watching footaball. H started kissing me, then started kissing her and the next thing you know things are happening with the three of us. This started to become a regualr thing, but only after a few drinks. So when H was out of town, more started happening between her and I (I will now refer to her as GF). At first I questioned whether things should be happening when H wasn't involved, but it seemed ok since it was ok when the three of us were doing thing. And it just felt very natural, not awkward at all.
Well about a year after things started, GF decided to tell me that before the three of us, her and H had an affair (prior to her divorce). This apparently went on for 3 months or so. This helps explain why it wasn't super awkward when things happened with the three of us for the first time.
Soon after GF told me things between the three of us stopped, but between the two of us didn't. I made H aware of things that were going on and of my feeling towards GF. He told me I needed to make a decision about whether I wanted to be with him or her. This was last Thanksgiving. I told him at that point that I needed to make changes in my life and move on. Well this decision only lasted 1 day,then I started questioning my decision. So we are back to square one.
Well in April, while he is working out of town, he meets a girl and decides he wants a divorce to see how things go with this girl. (I took this very hard) He contacts someone about the divorce and begins seeing this girl. About 2 weeks later when he comes home, I ask him when we should start telling people and he says he doesn't think we should. That things aren't really working with this girl. So here we are again back at square one.
In the meantime, things are still happening with GF and I. She is away at school, but when she comes home we spend a lot of time together, often the three of us, but when H goes to bed things happen with GF and I. She is starting to get very frustrated with the whole decision and wants a decision from me too. So now I am getting pressure from both H and GF.
H is now giving me a deadline and says if I don't decide he is deciding for me (he will move out and we will get a divorce). I am completely confused. Part of me fells like I owe it to my husband to give him another chance (he admits that he has not been the perfect husband, but is willing to make changes), but the other part feels such a connection with GF. GF says at this point that she doesn't know if a relationship with us would work because of all of my indecisiveness. I think it could.
Does anyone have any advice???
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