Posted by JB on November 3, 2009, 5:52 pm
Boi asked me how to defend the honor of transfolks (like Chaz Bono) when knuckleheads are yappin about stupid stuff. (*rolling eyes: "I bet Cher's sooooo proud!) This is what I told her. I wanted to share it. Maybe it will help you guys understand:
JB
##
Not sure I'd try and talk with anyone who was that hostile and bold in the first place. Not as an obviously trans person, anyway. I would just say something generic ("What are you, intolerant or something?"), and how you don't waste your time listening to shit like that.
With NICE people, I tell them that -- for whatever reasons known and unknown to me -- I'm compelled to masculinize my body in order to feel on the outside what I feel on the inside. I don't want to be a man. But I don't want to be a woman either. I just want to be me -- and I'm not that now. I've been in therapy learning about it, and it hasn't made the feeling go away. In fact, it's made the feeling stronger.
I feel very disconnected from my body. It's a feeling I've had my entire life. It sucks, and it's not the way healthy people are. As I get stronger, and as I know myself more, being disconnected from my body has become unacceptable. I want to heal and be whole in every way I can, and this is an issue I have to address in order to do that. Now, I ignore and punish my body. I squint at it in the mirror. I poke and prod and bind it and disguise it, and hide it and feel ashamed. That's no way to live.
I want to dance, and exercise, and be strong out in nature, and be sexual, and look good in pictures, and push my body and FEEL GOOD about my body. And look full on at myself in the mirror with both eyes open. And SEE myself. The self I feel like inside.
Doesn't everyone?
Message Thread:
« Back to thread