Posted by Rene30 on November 3, 2009, 5:40 pm, in reply to "Rene30- My Story"
Hi 2much. I cannot thank you enough for sharing all that you did. It is good to read about what you are expereincing even though it is causing you so much turmouil and chaos. I hope that you both can continue to work on things, although I understand that being married and falling in love with a women is just not that simple.
I have felt so confused all week at this constant desire to see my friend with whom I have shared such an amazing connection with. It was such a long time coming I mean almost 5 years for us to finally take notice to the white elephant in the room between us. It just comes at such a bad point with me being married. I guess I have a lot of thinking to do. At this point its just too much for me to process and really make sense of. I am glad that I have found this board though as I think it is giving me some sort of hope and peace with my current state of mind. Thank you again for taking the time to share your story with me!
--Previous Message--
: Hi Rene.. I have been married for 10 years
: and have 3 small kids...3, 5, & 7. It
: hasn't been the best marraige..lots of
: emotional & mental abuse. My H also has
: a bad temper that has never come out
: directly at me or the kids..but has resulted
: in broken items around the house. I met my
: GF (a LLL) 2 years ago at work. I felt an
: instant attraction to her. I shrugged it
: off, assuming it was just my imagination
: that was running a muck with me. We worked
: closely together on a project for 6 months
: and became very good friends. However, one
: day she told me that she had feelings for me
: and wanted to know how I felt. I couldn't
: deny that I felt the same. However, I was
: married...she lives with her partner and
: cheating was not something I had ever done
: before...and it wasn't going to happen now.
: That didn't last very long. I could not
: hold back my feelings for her...and she
: could not hold back either. We have now
: been 'together' for 16 months. We love each
: other. I adore her. I can not imagine life
: without her. However, the situation is so
: complicated. I don't want to hurt my kids,
: she doesn't want to hurt her child. She
: can't afford to leave for financial reasons.
: I can't seem to get my H to move out..even
: when I asked for a separation. So we each
: remain in our current situations and are
: biding time...treading water...and trying to
: enjoy the moments we do have together.
: Lately, the confusion and utter insanity of
: it all is getting the best of me. I have
: days where I just can't take it anymore and
: "IM DONE" comes flying out of my
: mouth. Though in my heart I know I'll never
: be done with her. I have many days where I
: feel like I've made a complete mess of my
: life...that I am someone I do not even
: recognize. A liar...a cheater...a sneak...a
: fake. How can loving someone so
: much...cause so much destruction? It's a
: love I just cannot let go of right now.
: It's a connection I've never had with anyone
: else.
:
: My situation at home is at times torture.
: My H says he loves me and wants sex often.
: I try to dodge it as best I can. But in
: trying to keep the peace...sometime I just
: feel like I have no choice. This causes
: major issues between my GF and I...for
: obvious reasons.
:
: I need to stop...because I could go on and
: on... I hope this is enough info for
: you...maybe too much??
:
: -2Much
:
:
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