Posted by 2much on November 3, 2009, 4:33 pm
Message modified by user 2much November 3, 2009, 4:35 pm
Hi Rene.. I have been married for 10 years and have 3 small kids...3, 5, & 7. It hasn't been the best marraige..lots of emotional & mental abuse. My H also has a bad temper that has never come out directly at me or the kids..but has resulted in broken items around the house. I met my GF (a LLL) 2 years ago at work. I felt an instant attraction to her. I shrugged it off, assuming it was just my imagination that was running a muck with me. We worked closely together on a project for 6 months and became very good friends. However, one day she told me that she had feelings for me and wanted to know how I felt. I couldn't deny that I felt the same. However, I was married...she lives with her partner and cheating was not something I had ever done before...and it wasn't going to happen now. That didn't last very long. I could not hold back my feelings for her...and she could not hold back either. We have now been 'together' for 16 months. We love each other. I adore her. I can not imagine life without her. However, the situation is so complicated. I don't want to hurt my kids, she doesn't want to hurt her child. She can't afford to leave for financial reasons. I can't seem to get my H to move out..even when I asked for a separation. So we each remain in our current situations and are biding time...treading water...and trying to enjoy the moments we do have together. Lately, the confusion and utter insanity of it all is getting the best of me. I have days where I just can't take it anymore and "IM DONE" comes flying out of my mouth. Though in my heart I know I'll never be done with her. I have many days where I feel like I've made a complete mess of my life...that I am someone I do not even recognize. A liar...a cheater...a sneak...a fake. How can loving someone so much...cause so much destruction? It's a love I just cannot let go of right now. It's a connection I've never had with anyone else.
My situation at home is at times torture. My H says he loves me and wants sex often. I try to dodge it as best I can. But in trying to keep the peace...sometime I just feel like I have no choice. This causes major issues between my GF and I...for obvious reasons.
I need to stop...because I could go on and on... I hope this is enough info for you...maybe too much??
-2Much
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