Posted by bigbird on November 2, 2009, 9:10 pm, in reply to "Re: I need to use you- completely off topic"
dear amy, i'm pretty new here, moved in during the summer so to speak...anyway, i'm retired from the military, not so long ago...and i know just from what little i read on your above post that "yes you are a big enough person to go to his funeral" and that you probably will go to his funeral..lets face it this youngster was a broken man upon returning fm iraq...probably on the edge, when his wife said she wanted out he fell off...there are so many ppl trained in the service to help out men/women returning fm those type of zones but frankly, and inevidably some are going to slip thru the cracks...some youngsters are to ashamed of admitting what they perceive as weakness, i lost my buddy that way...his wife tried to tell me but i didn't see it....i not only feel for apprentices wife and kids but for his parents & siblings i'm sure his mom is thinking thats not how i raised my son...i really wouldn't keep absolutely anything from my gf if i were you...just my 2 cents...much peace, sorry for your loss..
--Previous Message--
: Amy,
:
: I'm sorry that you are in the middle of
: this.
:
: I agree with the others who say you should
: try to get (even temporary) professional
: support to process this.
:
: This is raising old demons for you. And even
: that aside, even if you had no backstory of
: fear, you are touched by this. When my
: husband killed himself, his staff was left
: floundering. A few of them have stuffed
: their feelings down, and it is coming back
: to bite them.
:
: Two of his staff with whom he was close
: friends (and who are therapists themselves)
: have been left to twist in the breeze by the
: employer (ironically and sickenly a
: department of psychiatry). Thankfully they
: have each other for support. But they do
: feel isolated, alone, and abandoned by their
: employer.
:
: Also, don't underestimate your GF's ability
: to support you through this. One of the
: things I stressed in my husband's eulogy was
: that we all need to ask for help when we
: need it, whether it be help emptying our car
: of groceries or help emptying our heart of
: pain.
:
: Please ask. Don't try to do this alone.
:
: ETA: I also agree with Virago that you
: should go to the funeral. If only to support
: the wife and kids, who I can tell you
: firsthand, will appreciate it. They will
: bear the stigma of this event for the rest
: of their lives. My kids and I have been
: heartened by the openness of our community
: in not judging us or my husband. That family
: can use all the support it can get.
:
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