Posted by sunflower577 on November 2, 2009, 8:46 pm, in reply to "Self-Loathing"
AR - for me, it was not an all at once sort of thing. Nor was it always the most obvious things. For me, my sexuality was not the only aspect of my authentic self that I had hidden away. I had also hidden away music that I loved, my love of dancing, my love of art, etc. When I came out, these things all eventually re-emerged as well.
Eventually, I just sort of realized that life was going to go on. The joy came later - in the living of that life. But I had to go through the depths of pain before I could get there. And I had to become okay with feeling both the pain and elation - sometimes in rapid succession - sometimes almost concurrently. I remember driving to my first lesbian event and I was so excited to be going and I was crying hysterically for what I felt like I was leaving behind. Both/and not either/or. I tried to fill my life with as many of those 'exciting' events as I possibly could because it helped me feel like I was moving towards something - and not just away. And eventually that was true. I can remember being stopped on the street and being told that I actually looked happier and looked more alive.
The pain and self-loathing stops. It really does stop. Eventually you realize that you are okay. The kids are okay. Your H is even okay.
--Previous Message--
: When does it stop?
:
: I hear so many stories about happiness and
: elation upon discovering our authentic
: selves. At what point in the process did
: this joy hit you?
:
: -amyruby
:
: p.s. Gotta run to a softball game right
: now, but I'll eagerly read your responses
: tomorrow. Thank you! Take care.
:
:
:
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