Posted by SIGO on November 2, 2009, 7:24 pm, in reply to "I need to use you- completely off topic" ETA: I also agree with Virago that you should go to the funeral. If only to support the wife and kids, who I can tell you firsthand, will appreciate it. They will bear the stigma of this event for the rest of their lives. My kids and I have been heartened by the openness of our community in not judging us or my husband. That family can use all the support it can get.
Message modified by user SIGO November 2, 2009, 7:26 pm
Amy,
I'm sorry that you are in the middle of this.
I agree with the others who say you should try to get (even temporary) professional support to process this.
This is raising old demons for you. And even that aside, even if you had no backstory of fear, you are touched by this. When my husband killed himself, his staff was left floundering. A few of them have stuffed their feelings down, and it is coming back to bite them.
Two of his staff with whom he was close friends (and who are therapists themselves) have been left to twist in the breeze by the employer (ironically and sickenly a department of psychiatry). Thankfully they have each other for support. But they do feel isolated, alone, and abandoned by their employer.
Also, don't underestimate your GF's ability to support you through this. One of the things I stressed in my husband's eulogy was that we all need to ask for help when we need it, whether it be help emptying our car of groceries or help emptying our heart of pain.
Please ask. Don't try to do this alone.
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