Posted by upsidedown on November 2, 2009, 6:37 pm, in reply to "I need to use you- completely off topic"
I have to second what Virago said. He may not have died 'in battle' but obviously as a direct result and in his own battle.
I was so sad when I read your post. I can't imagine how he was feeling. Or how his family is feeling now.
As far as your GF goes, while I understand protecting her from this, how can you not tell her? How can something shake you to your core and she not be aware? Or not part of it? It may be hard for her but if I were your GF, I would want to be there for you in whatever capacity you need.
just my .02 cents Amy. I'm sorry that you are going through this...
jen
--Previous Message--
: I've been staying away from here because it's
: become very hostile for me. But writing is
: incredibly theraputic and I have something
: stuck in me I need to get out. I can't tell
: my GF because it hits too close to home and
: I can't talk to friends about it because at
: this point it's confidential.
:
: So I'm blatantly using this place. I'm
: sorry.
:
: One of my apprentices just got back from
: Iraq. Pretty nice kid, 26, with tons of
: medals earned. He has three gorgeous little
: kids and a lovely wife. When he returned his
: wife left him and has been staying with a
: friend. I helped him process some military
: paperwork on Friday.
:
: Saturday night he busted down the door of
: the house where his family was. The police
: were called. They were forced to shoot and
: kill him. He had to guns on him.
:
: I am torn between pity and rage. He has left
: three tiny kids without a dad. He appeared
: to have every intent to leave them orphans.
: He clearly was mentally ill and in a
: tremendous amount of pain. And I liked him.
: But, he needed to die to save the life of
: his wife.
:
: I am torn from one side to another. This
: opens very deep and raw wounds for me. I'm
: not quite sure how to vent the fear out and
: I will likely have nightmares for a week or
: two. I really am resisting telling my GF as
: then she will also become ill. We live every
: day knowing my ex might come for us, but
: it's easy to set aside when you don't see
: them for a while. Things like this bring it
: right back to the present.
:
: I don't know how I'm going to go through
: this. I'm not sure what direction to go. Do
: I go to the funeral? Traditionally I go to
: all funerals of my folks. I hope his demons
: are gone and his pain eased. And yet my
: personal feelings on this one are very
: strong... I don't know if I'm a big enough
: person to do this.
:
: I'm sorry to use you all like this. It's not
: at all related to the purpose of this board.
: I just have nowhere left to go to get the
: words flowing. We can't even talk about it
: where I work because it's too public of an
: area. Sad, scared, angry, sick...
:
: I live in a made up world where crazy shit
: doesn't happen because it's the only way I
: regained my sanity. Pretty hard to stay
: there when reality hits you over the head
: with a bat
:
: I just don't know. Do I ignore this, pretend
: I don't know the details? Act like it's just
: an accident? Do I respect myself and victims
: of domestic violence? How do I do that in my
: capacity? How do I process such a horrible
: thing by myself? My GF should know what I'm
: going through (how fortunate she's out of
: town this week) but doing so will put her in
: a worse spot than I'm in. I talk to her
: about everything. Will I be able to keep
: this from her? Maybe something vague will
: let her know I'm working on something
: without giving her enough rope to hang
: herself.
:
: Not sure how I'm going to do this. It's just
: so damn close to my heart.
:
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