Posted by silentlyexploding on November 2, 2009, 7:33 am, in reply to "Re: The Grass"
I don't laugh at you for talking out of both sides of your mouth. :-) I simply point out, when you say you are straight, that you really do not like, ummmmm, a certain male body part. You found that pretty funny yesterday. ;-)
I have been praying for confidence for you. You deserve so much more than you have been getting. You deserve happiness and love, with whoever is perfect for you (and yes, even if that is not me, lol).
--Previous Message--
:
: Talking to my mom wasn't as much about
: courage as it was necessity last night. I
: was in a very bad place last night and
: needed someone while I was a mess. I don't
: have a lot of friends actually due to my
: need to hide who I am. I have found over
: the years hiding the true me is very
: difficult, therefore I don't get close to
: people. I also struggle in my circle of
: friends in my life, they tend to be friends
: with very narrowminded, and cruel views of
: people like me.
:
: I talked to my mom because I had to. She
: knows I struggled before I got married. She
: knows I had an affair with SE five years
: ago, and she knows I'm struggling again now.
: She is the type of person that thinks
: things will get better or go away with no
: action. UGH.
:
: I don't look at it as courage any more. For
: me it's becoming necessity. I am in a lot
: of pain daily. My husband and I are talking
: daily about where I am. I have cried more
: in the last month then I have in years. I
: feel this is taking a direction I never
: expected. My husband knows I'm gay and
: wants me happy. I have an ex boyfriend from
: college that is broken hearted about me not
: being "true to myself".
:
: This journey hasn't been easy and I want to
: stop it. I just want to be straight but it
: seems like everything around me is saying
: something else. I will be going to my
: therapist this week to talk more of this
: out. I know he's going to laugh at me. Ok,
: not really, but figuratively speaking. I
: think he'll just shake his head wishing I
: would just find the confidence I need to
: walk this out. That's what so many are
: saying, I just need to not fear my future.
:
: My question, what if I'm wrong. I would hate
: to give up my family for something I don't
: really want.
:
: Yeah I know. SE laughs at me all of the
: time because I talk out of both sides of my
: mouth. I hope to reconcile my brain with my
: lesbianism at some point.
: --Previous Message--
:
: I would like to know your outcome with all
: of this. I'm not there yet. I'm also still
: married and have told 2 people about my GF.
: I know my mother and sister want me happy,
: but they will be in shock. How did you get
: the courage to talk to your mom? I was
: going to wait and have the conversation
: after my D.
: --Previous Message--
: The grass isn't always greener on the other
: side, it may be different but not
: necessarily greener.
:
: This was my mother's response when talking
: to her tonight about my feelings about
: everything. I came out again to my mother
: for the billionth time. Ok, not billionth
: but it feels like that sometimes. Anyway I
: told her our marriage was on the rocks and I
: was dealing with my sexuality again. She
: tells me that.
:
: Wow, that feels so naive to me. I mean come
: on that's what it is, I'm in a bad spot in
: my marriage and I'm just looking for
: something. Really mom? Yeah been fighting
: this for over 20 years but it's just because
: I'm in a bad spot. UGH
:
: Family is being kind but not very
: supportive. No wonder I want back into that
: closet so badly.
:
:
:
:
:
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