Posted by ontheotherside on November 1, 2009, 10:18 pm, in reply to "QUESTION: do you feel like your mother "got you" or "didn't get you"?"
My mom was tough,and hard, her sentiment when we were younger was, "your tears don't move me" so we learned quickly on that crying was pretty much a waste of time.
1. there where only 2 emotions that were acceptable in my family, laughter/humour and anger. tears were not acceptable and softer feelings were mocked unless you were drunk. I think my mom got me, but didn't know how to show it. I have 5 sisters so there was a lot going on all the time. I feel close now, but there is still that wall about being too touchy feely, but we have a lot of fun. and now that everyone has stopped drinking there isn't as much anger. I have a lot of respect for my mom, she taught me just about every board game,card game, jacks, jump rope softball. and she always read to us,and complimented us on our brains, not beauty.She is supportive and kind and will give you what you need, but don't whine and cry cause she doesn't have time for that crap.
2.I am pretty much in tune with who I am emotionally, I'm pretty sensitive but don't show it, because I was taught you have to be tough. I am very aware of the emotional state of those around me, I am very good at getting people to be honest about their emotions, what they are feeling,and why. I have a hard time being emotionally open, and since I've gotten married, I've shut down even more.
The one person I come close to being emotionally honest with is my youngest sister, I think she gets me,or maybe I just get her.
I think that the walled off emotions come from my mom and fam that taught me to be tough and hard, and the only thing that mattered was to be the one still standing after the shit hits the fan, and if you are not standing, you'd better be doing your damndest to get up.
3.Ah there's the question. Yes and no. I want a relationship with a woman and I don't. I'm safe in my het relationship, my h doesn't care that I don't cry and don't write poety or anything really anymore, or how I feel on any given day, unless I'm b###hing, then he just wants it to stop. Women care, they touch you emotionally, they get you, or at least the right one does, who needs that...I would like to be with a women who felt comfortable with me emotionally and with whom I felt I could trust enough to be open and emotionally vulnerable with, but after my last gf, I don't know, she made me cry and thats just bs.
--Previous Message--
: hello ladies,
:
: i am having a rather long convo, as in
: on-going for months, w/ a non-AJ LLL lezzie
: friend,
:
: wherein we are talking about emotional
: availability and our fams of origin,
: particularly our relationships w/ our
: respective moms.
:
: specifically:
:
: i kinda always felt like my mom "didn't
: get me".
:
: like we were on dif emotional and for sure
: intellectual planes.
:
: in my teen years, for multiple reasons it
: was tense, to say the least.
:
: i was also very bonded w/ my father. we used
: to have these long ongoing dialogues about
: things. he really got me and all. i tended
: to look up to him and saw him as strong and
: tried to emulate his style.
:
: in this familial configuration, i feel like
: i absorbed his aggressive masculine style.
: you know, the John Wayne/James Bond tuff guy
: approach, stuffing my feelings down and all
: that.
:
: i think i was not feminine in my emotional
: life at all, you know being tuff and not
: crying, learning how to be and attracted to
: all things logical, learning how to predict
: everything.
:
: here on AJ, we have in the past discussed I
: and E (introverts v extroverts), T and F
: (thinkers v feelers) and then recently M/F
: (masculinity and femininity). i think to a
: certain extent these are diagnostic of part
: of what i am trying to discuss.
:
: i am a non-shy introverted masculine-type
: thinker who is trying to be, working hard to
: become over a long time, more of a feminine
: feeler. this becoming more feeling and
: caring is important to me because it is the
: only way i see a relationship working out.
: {i can be as someone here said succinctly, a
: d!ck <-- figuratively.
:
: i am wondering if anyone else can relate?
:
: or maybe you had dissimilar experiences you
: can likewise share?
:
: maybe you all can share:
:
: 1 - self-disclose, esp your experience w/
: your moms. what was your emotional life like
: w/ your mother? are you close w/ your mom?
:
: 2 - and then i am wondering if you have any
: thoughts/insight into your own emotional
: style and how if at all your relationship w/
: your mom has anything to do w/ your ability
: to be, or not be, emotionally available and
: emotionally accessible?
:
: 3 - does your relationship w/ your mom have
: anything to do w/ what you want from a
: relationship partner?
:
