Posted by Michie on November 1, 2009, 9:28 pm, in reply to "Re: QUESTION: do you feel like your mother "got you" or "didn't get you"?"
I loved my mothers exterior, she never showed weakness, but with us kids, I just wish she could have shown some compassion and love. She could have broke it down for us kids.
In my partner I have what I love. Strength on the exterior and a big ole softy on the inside.
--Previous Message--
: 1. My mom never got me, nor did she want to.
: She had her kids because that"s what
: was expected of her. She never hugged me,
: said I love you, or spent any time just
: being with me. If she needed to be with me
: it was to take me to the doctor, dentist,
: school,etc. She was all business. I'm
: pretty sure that's what made her cold, she's
: a very smart woman and got
: "dumbed" down by what was expected
: of her. Same thing she taught me. Work
: hard, keep a clean house, and meet and marry
: a nice young man. Am I close with my mom?
: I'd love to be, but we haven't spoken in
: years.
:
: 2. Emotions, my mother and I are night and
: day. I show emotions and squish my kids up
: with love and praise. Friends they also get
: all of my love and support.
:
: 3. When I did have a relationship with my
: mom, yes I'd have to say it did have alot to
: do with what I want from a partner. After
: years of living just as she was taught to,
: I've learned that I don't have to be her and
: I don't want to be her. Her life has been
: miserable and she has wasted a brilliant
: mind to just be a wife and servant to her
: husband. Yep, I've learned, and I broke
: that chain.
:
: --Previous Message--
: hello ladies,
:
: i am having a rather long convo, as in
: on-going for months, w/ a non-AJ LLL lezzie
: friend,
:
: wherein we are talking about emotional
: availability and our fams of origin,
: particularly our relationships w/ our
: respective moms.
:
: specifically:
:
: i kinda always felt like my mom "didn't
: get me".
:
: like we were on dif emotional and for sure
: intellectual planes.
:
: in my teen years, for multiple reasons it
: was tense, to say the least.
:
: i was also very bonded w/ my father. we used
: to have these long ongoing dialogues about
: things. he really got me and all. i tended
: to look up to him and saw him as strong and
: tried to emulate his style.
:
: in this familial configuration, i feel like
: i absorbed his aggressive masculine style.
: you know, the John Wayne/James Bond tuff guy
: approach, stuffing my feelings down and all
: that.
:
: i think i was not feminine in my emotional
: life at all, you know being tuff and not
: crying, learning how to be and attracted to
: all things logical, learning how to predict
: everything.
:
: here on AJ, we have in the past discussed I
: and E (introverts v extroverts), T and F
: (thinkers v feelers) and then recently M/F
: (masculinity and femininity). i think to a
: certain extent these are diagnostic of part
: of what i am trying to discuss.
:
: i am a non-shy introverted masculine-type
: thinker who is trying to be, working hard to
: become over a long time, more of a feminine
: feeler. this becoming more feeling and
: caring is important to me because it is the
: only way i see a relationship working out.
: {i can be as someone here said succinctly, a
: d!ck <-- figuratively.
:
: i am wondering if anyone else can relate?
:
: or maybe you had dissimilar experiences you
: can likewise share?
:
: maybe you all can share:
:
: 1 - self-disclose, esp your experience w/
: your moms. what was your emotional life like
: w/ your mother? are you close w/ your mom?
:
: 2 - and then i am wondering if you have any
: thoughts/insight into your own emotional
: style and how if at all your relationship w/
: your mom has anything to do w/ your ability
: to be, or not be, emotionally available and
: emotionally accessible?
:
: 3 - does your relationship w/ your mom have
: anything to do w/ what you want from a
: relationship partner?
:
:
:
