Posted by Michie on November 1, 2009, 9:01 pm, in reply to "QUESTION: do you feel like your mother "got you" or "didn't get you"?"
1. My mom never got me, nor did she want to. She had her kids because that"s what was expected of her. She never hugged me, said I love you, or spent any time just being with me. If she needed to be with me it was to take me to the doctor, dentist, school,etc. She was all business. I'm pretty sure that's what made her cold, she's a very smart woman and got "dumbed" down by what was expected of her. Same thing she taught me. Work hard, keep a clean house, and meet and marry a nice young man. Am I close with my mom? I'd love to be, but we haven't spoken in years.
2. Emotions, my mother and I are night and day. I show emotions and squish my kids up with love and praise. Friends they also get all of my love and support.
3. When I did have a relationship with my mom, yes I'd have to say it did have alot to do with what I want from a partner. After years of living just as she was taught to, I've learned that I don't have to be her and I don't want to be her. Her life has been miserable and she has wasted a brilliant mind to just be a wife and servant to her husband. Yep, I've learned, and I broke that chain.
--Previous Message--
: hello ladies,
:
: i am having a rather long convo, as in
: on-going for months, w/ a non-AJ LLL lezzie
: friend,
:
: wherein we are talking about emotional
: availability and our fams of origin,
: particularly our relationships w/ our
: respective moms.
:
: specifically:
:
: i kinda always felt like my mom "didn't
: get me".
:
: like we were on dif emotional and for sure
: intellectual planes.
:
: in my teen years, for multiple reasons it
: was tense, to say the least.
:
: i was also very bonded w/ my father. we used
: to have these long ongoing dialogues about
: things. he really got me and all. i tended
: to look up to him and saw him as strong and
: tried to emulate his style.
:
: in this familial configuration, i feel like
: i absorbed his aggressive masculine style.
: you know, the John Wayne/James Bond tuff guy
: approach, stuffing my feelings down and all
: that.
:
: i think i was not feminine in my emotional
: life at all, you know being tuff and not
: crying, learning how to be and attracted to
: all things logical, learning how to predict
: everything.
:
: here on AJ, we have in the past discussed I
: and E (introverts v extroverts), T and F
: (thinkers v feelers) and then recently M/F
: (masculinity and femininity). i think to a
: certain extent these are diagnostic of part
: of what i am trying to discuss.
:
: i am a non-shy introverted masculine-type
: thinker who is trying to be, working hard to
: become over a long time, more of a feminine
: feeler. this becoming more feeling and
: caring is important to me because it is the
: only way i see a relationship working out.
: {i can be as someone here said succinctly, a
: d!ck <-- figuratively.
:
: i am wondering if anyone else can relate?
:
: or maybe you had dissimilar experiences you
: can likewise share?
:
: maybe you all can share:
:
: 1 - self-disclose, esp your experience w/
: your moms. what was your emotional life like
: w/ your mother? are you close w/ your mom?
:
: 2 - and then i am wondering if you have any
: thoughts/insight into your own emotional
: style and how if at all your relationship w/
: your mom has anything to do w/ your ability
: to be, or not be, emotionally available and
: emotionally accessible?
:
: 3 - does your relationship w/ your mom have
: anything to do w/ what you want from a
: relationship partner?
:
