Posted by curious on November 1, 2009, 7:59 pm
hello ladies,
i am having a rather long convo, as in on-going for months, w/ a non-AJ LLL lezzie friend,
wherein we are talking about emotional availability and our fams of origin, particularly our relationships w/ our respective moms.
specifically:
i kinda always felt like my mom "didn't get me".
like we were on dif emotional and for sure intellectual planes.
in my teen years, for multiple reasons it was tense, to say the least.
i was also very bonded w/ my father. we used to have these long ongoing dialogues about things. he really got me and all. i tended to look up to him and saw him as strong and tried to emulate his style.
in this familial configuration, i feel like i absorbed his aggressive masculine style. you know, the John Wayne/James Bond tuff guy approach, stuffing my feelings down and all that.
i think i was not feminine in my emotional life at all, you know being tuff and not crying, learning how to be and attracted to all things logical, learning how to predict everything.
here on AJ, we have in the past discussed I and E (introverts v extroverts), T and F (thinkers v feelers) and then recently M/F (masculinity and femininity). i think to a certain extent these are diagnostic of part of what i am trying to discuss.
i am a non-shy introverted masculine-type thinker who is trying to be, working hard to become over a long time, more of a feminine feeler. this becoming more feeling and caring is important to me because it is the only way i see a relationship working out. {i can be as someone here said succinctly, a d!ck <-- figuratively.
i am wondering if anyone else can relate?
or maybe you had dissimilar experiences you can likewise share?
maybe you all can share:
1 - self-disclose, esp your experience w/ your moms. what was your emotional life like w/ your mother? are you close w/ your mom?
2 - and then i am wondering if you have any thoughts/insight into your own emotional style and how if at all your relationship w/ your mom has anything to do w/ your ability to be, or not be, emotionally available and emotionally accessible?
3 - does your relationship w/ your mom have anything to do w/ what you want from a relationship partner?
