Posted by Consumed on October 30, 2009, 1:07 pm, in reply to "Feeling Completely Broken"
He's right. The hard truth trutomyself is you've already left the marriage-- and your H knows it.
Yes, you're being selfish, but I think that's normal as I was feeling that way too.
I had a hard time with the idea of some other woman being near my children as well, but now that I've met Sandy and realize how harmless she is and what a good soul she has, I've accepted her into my children's lives to the point that she and my ex will be coming out tomorrow evening to take children trick-or-treating while I give out candy, we will share holidays together, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc., etc. In fact, after our H1N1 flu shots the other day that my ex-H insisted we all get, I followed the ex-H and Sandy back to their house where the H grilled us T-bone steaks etc. My partner was not there as she is totally against getting vaccinated so wanted no part of it but I brought her back a steak the ex-H grilled for her in which she gladly accepted...lol I only recently met Sandy for the first time about a month and a half or so ago.
Believe it or not, I think you will find that your children are so much happier when they see that Mom is happy. You said it yourself in your very post-- you're miserable in that marriage and your children can sense it too.
My children lives are so much fuller than they were before. Prior to leaving the marriage, I was so "consumed" with getting out that my focus was hardly on my children like it should have been, but on me and my so-desired freedom. That's all I could think about. They still did their sports here and there- Y basketball or whatever- but I was just going through the motions and not really enjoying their little lives and appreciating my children like I knew I should have been. I, no doubt, sounded and felt much like you.
Not only have my children not had to give up sports and things, my partner helps pay for them to attend them.
My children are so much happier now and it shows. My partner does so much for them and doesn't bat an eye doing it. She is their second mother and treats them as such-- a little hard on the discipline side IMO, but then she is an obedience dog trainer....lol
I really had no idea what life was going to be like once I left the 'security' I had with the ex-H but I knew that no matter what happened, I *had* to get out of that marriage as I was dying inside—I was miserable—feeling just like you.
You're clinging to him right now, but it's only because you're fearful of the unknown. It's totally normal, but I promise you that life *is* better outside of that miserable 'comfort zone' and security that you feel you have with the H, but you know, it sounds as though he has already moved on too and once he starts getting serious with another woman, you will be forced out regardless.
You can't make him stay married to you.
It's time you face your fears. Do whatever it takes to get out because that is the right thing to do. It certainly isn't right to stay in that secure comfort zone knowing your H deserves true love and happiness that he cannot get from you.
Who knows, your relationship with your gf may not work out, but then your H could be gone from this life tomorrow. There are no guarantees in life but one thing is for certain, life is far too short to live it that miserably. Don't you agree...?
Be true to yourself.
Take care,
Consumed
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