Posted by Sasha1 on October 30, 2009, 10:38 am, in reply to "but, this is what i don't understand"
All really good points, Curious. It thank that it is often hard to acknowledge vulnerability when you feel you are being pushed too hard and are not an assertive person- esp. with people you don't know and don't nec. feel completely safe with. I think to try to push someone to be more assertive and up front with their feelings is a tricky proposition. There are many reasons why people behave the way they do and obviously if it was simple to change these things therapists would not be so busy! To try to convince someone to be more assertive, to declare their feelings, to admit feeling uncomfortable, is worth a shot but I think it is a long shot. I think a whole lot more needs to be looked at to overcome these issues. I agree with you that there is no way to know if someone is feeling uncomfortable unless they tell you - especially on the computer where you can't read body language or see them. Perhaps what you are raising is the biggest question of all. Clearly, there is a lot of good-will here and a desire to understand each other. I guess more open communication & awareness on this issue will lead to better understanding. And yes, I do believe that a group disparagement is the same as a personal disparagement when you id with the group being disparaged! I think any general proclamations about any group as a whole is stereotyping and although there may be reasons that stereotypes exist, I would personally rather take each person as an individual and learn about them rather than decide who they are based on a label.
--Previous Message--
: help me out here please, maybe you can explain
: it to me:
:
: "The sensitive ones think the others
: are insensitive"
:
: it seems to me it is more than just this
: dichotomy of sensitive v tuff/rough
: interpersonal styles.
:
: there seems to also be a breakdown in
: communication.
:
: because imho the sensitive ones are not
: expressing and communicating -- honestly --
: where they are at.
:
: in other words, seems to me there may be and
: probably are problems of assertiveness and
: trust.
:
: -- she is not being assertive in stating she
: is getting overwhelmed and flooded. (so how
: is anyone supposed to know someone else is
: getting overwhelmed? by magic?)
:
: -- she is hiding her secret sensitivities,
: probably from and though lack of trust.
: (then why can't she just say "i am
: having a hard time trusting you right
: now").
:
: i mean these -- assertiveness, being honest
: about secret sensitives -- are skills,
: right?
:
: if she does not have skills to say --
:
: "hey i feel overwhelmed" and
:
: "i am really feeling vulnerable about
: this issue ongoing or about this topic here
: and now",
:
: then isn't that part of the prob?
:
: if yes, then this gets to my real questions:
:
: how can we encourage sensitive types to be
: more assertive, honest and trusting?
:
: how can we be sensitive to these issues that
: sensitive types need help in being assertive
: and trusting us to be honest and not hide
: secret sensitivities?
:
:
:
:
:
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