Posted by BreakAway on October 30, 2009, 9:56 am, in reply to "Feeling Completely Broken"
I really don't have much to make you feel any better. The one thing that grabbed my eye is the part where your h wants to see a girl at work and how that grabbed your attention. I know that feeling. Don't know what it means yet. Could be the kids thing, could be how dare you take this so lightly and freely go off and find someone else that quickly. Don't know. Hope you feel better about things soon. One day you will have to make that big decision whether now or later. Just make sure it is the decision you really want. BTW....your not broken, maybe a little bruised. It takes guts to come out to your h. That doesn't sound like a broken but strong person to me. But that is just my thinking.
--Previous Message--
: My emotions are a wreck, and my resolve is
: gone. I've been married for 12 years to a
: really great guy. The man is even great to
: the point that right now he's telling me
: that I need to leave. I need to be true to
: me because he sees how incredibly miserable
: I am. He says he doesn't want me to stay
: with him and in the future hate him because
: he's boxed me in.
:
: He is apologizing profusely right now for
: not allowing me to go back to school and be
: able to support myself and my children.
: (Long story short I've begged to go back to
: school throughout our marriage and he has
: refused to allow it to happen for one reason
: or another) At this point he's telling me I
: have to go back to better myself. I know
: that he is saying this because he feels I
: should go.
:
: I on the other hand am broken. My spirit is
: broken, My fight for who I am is gone, and
: my will to even be is pretty far gone. I
: don't want to go through this fight. I
: don't want to try to support myself when I
: have no education and haven't had a job
: outside of my photography business in over
: 10 years. I don't want to wreck my
: childrens' lives so that they no longer have
: the dance classes they've attended for over
: 10 years, or the soccer team, or the cub
: scouts. None of it, I would be taking it
: all away if I'm so selfish as to leave.
:
: Beyond this I hate who I am. I am appalled
: by the desires that I have. I question
: them. I question, maybe I like girls but
: can still be with a man. I have been with
: my husband more in the last two days then I
: have been in months. I am just beat down
: from this all.
:
: Sadly I am completely heartbroken about se.
: I love her, I really really do. She makes
: me feel free. She makes me feel so
: completely loved. She feels right in my
: arms.
:
: But how do we do this to a whole gaggle of
: children? How do I rip apart my family?
:
: Another aspect of this is H and I talked
: about an open marriage. I was ok until I
: did find out there is a girl at his work
: that is very attracted to him and wants a
: relationship with him. This tore me up. I
: at first wanted happiness for him, and to
: meet her, to be friendly to her. However
: now, I am not a fan of her. I don't want to
: share my children with her. Maybe I'm just
: selfish?
:
: My heart hurts today. I don't know which
: way is up. Now that I even have my husband
: telling me I'm gay I'm actually more
: confused and scared. Maybe it's fear of
: what lies before me. Fear that I won't
: succeed. Fear that what if SE and I don't
: work out and we don't stay together? That
: scares me the most I think. I've waited so
: long to have her in my life and I'm so close
: and now I'm scared to death.
:
: I'm running scared back to the protection of
: my marriage, but as H says, how long will I
: stay? His opinion is, it's just a matter of
: time before I finally decide to be true to
: myself.
:
Message Thread:
« Back to thread