Posted by Real Deal on October 29, 2009, 9:48 am
I will apologize to the board for my participation in yesterday’s upheaval. I suppose I am have lingering resentment that when a valued-poster is harassed, badgered, targeted, and other than a short “time-outs” or posts are removed, the individuals on the end of the shot-gun are welcomed back, and the targeted individual deems the board too unsafe to participate any longer. They leave, they tire and they are basically intimidated.
As of late, I’ve witness three women in a span of less than a month, discontinue their participation here. Are they too busy to join in? Maybe? Are there lives so full and rich that they no longer need/want to post? I hope so? My guess is they left, they tired and they are basically were intimidated, don’t feel welcome or it just wasn’t worth it.
Neither is Portia, Amy, SIGO or 99% of the women that come here are a menace to the board. The women that come here don’t deserve to be hammered, patronized, demeaned, talked down to or made to believe that the LGBTQ community knows more about their life then they do. You want to help? Know your audience.
I also find it hard to be an idle by-stander watching/reading what happens to women here, under the guise of “if they don't actually KNOW and HEAR FROM and have dialog with anyone IN the LGBTQ community”. I’m all for dialogue, but it rarely stays a dialogue; it turns into character assassinations, and indictments of individual personal lives and an inability to “let it go” from all sides.
I’m guilty too. I get I also can’t let it go when I see blatant targeting, and sure I could have handle it differently yesterday, you betcha’! Although, I would bet I’m one of minority of people who have been out/proud close to 25 years, and I don’t feel the need to berate, target, talk down to, and bludgeoned women with my views for being exactly where they are in their life. What I have learned during my tenure here at AJ is exactly what I can offer and what I can’t.
I’ve learned that not everyone will come out who arrive here. We discussed this yesterday that the percentage of women who will actually come out via this board is super-low. Let’s accept that. Trust me, coming out is a personal thing, and if this board has taught us anything, its AJ won’t change the low numbers of women coming out here. AJ doesn’t make women come out, it supports those that are ready and willing to accept who they are to come out. It’s here for support, web sites aren’t catalyst for coming out. Coming out is personal.
I’ve also learned a huge amount about myself from this board. HUGE. I’ve also learned what it means to watch someone you love suffer gracefully on daily basis, all the while enduring the estrangement of her only daughter in order to be exactly who she is and in order to love and share her life with me.
I’ve also learned that I am not perfect either. Okay, I knew that before I came to AJ, LOL! AJ simply reinforces that education for me, for the good, bad and well, ugly.
I will apologize to curious and Ayzika. I don’t believe you are villains. I do believe you contribute mightily to the board, and yes sometimes you don’t always add to the board’s stability. I also get that my participation yesterday didn’t add much to the stability of the board either. Two wrongs don’t make a right. LOL!
I feel very strongly about this board, its purpose, its ability to saves lives on many, many levels. I believe in the power of women and how collectively we can change ourselves, not try to change others.
So again, I am sorry and I will continue to make strong efforts to only add to the board's stability and support where I can, know when I can’t and of course to have the wisdom to know the difference. Lastly, I apologize to Joanne, your talents, skills, and expertise are needed elsewhere and babysitting a support forum is not a good use of your time. I am sorry.
As always, upwards and onwards, always it’s a new day to get it right. I have a major party to throw so I will divert my attention to that.
RD
Cc:joanne@lavendervisions.com
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