Posted by Violet on October 27, 2009, 1:22 pm, in reply to "Re: My husband is talking to our pastor..."
I agree with this advice. I gave so much of my power away the first few years of this process and it was not good for me or my children. Its taken much therapy and much time for me to really stand up for myself and be proud of who I am - things feel much more peaceful when you take your power. Thanks for the reminder. When my H spoke to our minister i was embarrased to go to church and avoided it whenever i could for several years - that was not a good thing for me, i left behind a huge support system. I know it was because i felt so guilty and so unsure but closing doors and isolating was a poor choice, and not standing up with my head held high was a poor choice. I hope you do it better and sooner.......you're worth it. We all are.
--Previous Message--
: Take back the control, silentlyexploding.
:
: Your H has been speaking with your pastor.
: You should also speak with your pastor in
: advance of a joint meeting, so that you have
: an opportunity to express what your needs
: and wants are. If the pastor believes that
: saving the marriage is the solution, DON'T
: GO to the joint meeting and find a counselor
: who is willing to discuss all of the options
: and BOTH of your wishes in an open,
: non-judgmental way.
:
: It is really important to not give away your
: power or to allow yourself to be ganged up
: on. You will need to learn to do this if
: you are going to make it through to the
: other side.
:
: --Previous Message--
: ... right now. I am very nervous. I am
: afraid
: I will not be able to face this man at
: church tomorrow night. *sigh* The pastor
: wants my husband and I in for marriage
: counseling, but I am not wanting to do that
: at all. I would not mind counseling to try
: to keep peace as we work through everything,
: because my desire now is to seperate. I am
: afraid that if I met with our pastor,
: though, I would feel pressure to stay.
:
: I almost outed myself to a couple of moms at
: our homeschool co-op yesterday. I know the
: news would not have been well received and I
: would have been kicked out of the co-op.
: Everything is becoming more and more real,
: ya know?
:
:
:
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