Posted by Zoeoeo2 on October 20, 2009, 1:54 pm, in reply to "Still debating over labels (was Questioning)"
If I had to play armchair psychologist, I would say that this might be about more than the proper label.
Are you happy in your relationship with your H? Are you in love with him? Are you sexually attracted to him?
Right now, you currently label yourself bi, admit an attraction to both sexes and a sexual history with both sexes.
If you ARE in love with and sexually attracted to your h, then what matters is not your label, but your actions. If you ARE NOT in love with or attracted to your husband, then the problem is in the relationship. (which may or may not be a reflection of your sexuality).
In my case, I came out to myself when I was still married, but it didn't change anything in my life (except give me internal insight into my history).
I didn't struggle with the labels until after the divorce (my sexuality was not a factor), and I thought of someday dating again.
--Previous Message--
: I was just having this conversation with
: myself. At what point do labels no longer
: matter? I love, love, love labels because
: the definitions help me understand. For
: example, I'm calling myself "Bi"
: because I find both women and men
: attractive. Bi makes sense. I dated guys
: in high school and still love one of my ex's
: (great friends only; deeper relationships
: don't work for us). I have been with women
: in the past.( I thought they were college
: phases, or that I just really admired my
: friends.) I have been married for two
: years, with him for six. Then why I am I
: constantly thinking about women lately? Is
: this part of the process?
:
:
: --Previous Message--
: In one sense all my life. Though I was so
: deeply into denial that I didn't realize
: that I even WAS fighting it.
:
: It wasn't really a struggle when I realized
: I was attracted to women, it was like
: suddenly so many things in my life made more
: sense.
:
: The fight for me, actually came when I tried
: to force myself into a box. I thought that
: by admitting I was attracted to women, it
: meant that I must therefore not be attracted
: to men.
:
: So I would see an attractive man, and think
: "See, he's cute. I must not be gay
: after all." But then I would see a hot
: woman and think "um...so not
: straight". And I pretty much drove
: myself nuts for about 6 months.
:
: For me, it was important to learn that the
: label wasn't important, being true to myself
: was.
:
: --Previous Message--
: How long did you fight your sexuality before
: giving in?
:
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