Posted by xgirl on October 20, 2009, 12:57 pm, in reply to "Re: TO.....fun2sail......"
letting go is so hard when you have no power over the situation. I've been there-- am actually going through it right now and it is so excruciating.
at the same time, if she's this quick to move on and not give your relationship a chance, then she's not your "one". you deserve someone who doesn't give up on you, who doesn't cheat (sorry, but she obviously cheated emotionally to move on so quickly) and who has the respect to be open and honest with you about what she truly needs.
HUGS, it's so hard. there is someone out there just perfect for you.
--Previous Message--
: Thank you so much for your kind words - they
: are so appreciated.
:
: What hurts the most is that although I was
: hesitant to move quickly, and was, as my ex
: says, "unenthusiastic" about
: talking about the future with her, she was
: slowly convincing me that a
: "forever" with someone was
: actually possible. I think right around the
: time she started (unbeknownst to me) giving
: up on me, I was staring to truly believe in
: us.
:
: So I sit here with so much regret for not
: telling her how I felt, for not being more
: open when I had the chance. So many
: "what-ifs" and my imagined future
: together lost in smoke. I just wasn't ready
: to move as quickly, but didn't convey enough
: that that didn't mean I wasn't ever *going*
: to be ready.
:
: How is it possible to believe that something
: better will truly come my way? I'm not very
: religious, although I wish I were - it would
: be nice to believe Someone's got my back.
: I'm just afraid it really IS possible to
: lose the love of your life, or at least,
: I've got no proof that it's impossible to do
: so.
:
: Also, does anyone have any advice for
: letting go of a relationship that was happy?
: I have no place to hang any anger to help
: the distancing process. I wonder if anyone
: has any good advice?
:
: Thanks so much, I truly appreciate your
: empathy and wisdom.
: Fun2Sail
:
:
: --Previous Message--
:
: Dear fun2sail...
:
: Awfully sorry to hear this .
:
: I'm not a mind reader, that's for
: sure....but...I tend to think that she is
: headed on her own road now....and that she's
: made up her mind ( for now anyways...) as to
: who she's going to travel it with.
:
: The fact that she did this, and in this
: way...is fairly disturbing actually.
: She went from meeting you...to getting
: married...to accepting a relationship with
: you....to divorcing H...then,
: quite quickly again....found someone else
: and said goodbye to you. Yikes.
:
: You mentioned this:
: She said she wants to be with someone
: who is more
: excited about Big Issues like kids, moving
: in together, etc. . She has a point, but I
: thought we were working through these issues
: - and given our situation, I wanted/needed
: to take things slowly.
:
: And, therein lies the rub.
:
: You wanted to take things slowly....and
: ...unfortunately she doesn't really appear
: to take anything slowly at all.
: She does her thinking in fast mode...and
: can quickly take the liberty to change her
: mind just as fast .
:
: Meanwhile...there you are weighing
: things out...trying to properly give these
: serious issues the attention they deserve
: for you to be able to come to your best
: decisions....
: and she's already on a different track,
: because she's way ahead of your pace.
: I think I got whiplash from all the
: "back and forth quick changing"
: that she's managed to do in this short
: period of time !!
:
: fun2sail....I have no doubt that what
: you found with her was something that you
: very much wanted to work on....
: but...with there also being a long
: distance factor added on to everything else
: that has happened.... I truly do think
: that placing your energies into trying to
: move on would be the best thing you could do
: now.
:
: Of course you're hurting...and that's the
: part that is just so painfully hard to
: contend with....
: But...when you look at the fact that you
: are made one way....and she is the total
: opposite in terms of how she processes
: things and comes to decisions....I think
: that perhaps this particular breakup may
: come to be a good thing, even though it
: hurts like the dickens now.
:
: In time....as you heal...you'll have
: acquired a beautiful piece of information
: about yourself !!
: Which is:
: how important it is that you do things at
: your own pace, and not someone else's. Even
: in this sad time right now...where she has
: clearly made her decision to go another
: route with someone else....
: it can hopefully help to show you , that
: your way of doing things makes a heck of a
: lot more sense where stability and love and
: life are concerned.
:
: You know that old time saying: Haste
: makes waste...?
: Well ...there's a whole lot of truth in
: that...especially when it comes to making
: proper decisions in this "thing called
: life" !
:
: I'm so sorry that you're hurting
: badly....
: but ....I'm hoping that you'll soon come
: to see that this turn of events was probably
: a blessing...in that you'll will now be free
: to have yet another chance at finding
: someone who fits you like a hand in
: glove...and who will love the fact that you
: are intelligent and mature enough to want to
: think things through.
:
: A silver lining is there fun2sail....it
: really is.
: Take some time to heal now...and be as good
: to yourself as you can in the process.
:
: You're one that's worth waiting for !!
:
: Peace and comfort to your heart....
: and some warm hugs being sent your way
: too.
:
: Hope
:
:
:
:
:
:
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