Posted by Hope on October 20, 2009, 8:52 am, in reply to "Dumped after divorce"
Message modified by user Hope October 20, 2009, 8:53 am
Dear fun2sail...
Awfully sorry to hear this.
I'm not a mind reader, that's for sure....but...I tend to think that she is headed on her own road now....and that she's made up her mind ( for now anyways...) as to who she's going to travel it with.
The fact that she did this, and in this way...is fairly disturbing actually.
She went from meeting you...to getting married...to accepting a relationship with you....to divorcing H...then,
quite quickly again....found someone else and said goodbye to you. Yikes.
You mentioned this:
She said she wants to be with someone who is more
excited about Big Issues like kids, moving in together, etc. . She has a point, but I thought we were working through these issues - and given our situation, I wanted/needed to take things slowly.
And, therein lies the rub.
You wanted to take things slowly....and ...unfortunately she doesn't really appear to take anything slowly at all.
She does her thinking in fast mode...and can quickly take the liberty to change her mind just as fast .
Meanwhile...there you are weighing things out...trying to properly give these serious issues the attention they deserve for you to be able to come to your best decisions....
and she's already on a different track, because she's way ahead of your pace.
I think I got whiplash from all the "back and forth quick changing" that she's managed to do in this short period of time !!
fun2sail....I have no doubt that what you found with her was something that you very much wanted to work on....
but...with there also being a long distance factor added on to everything else that has happened.... I truly do think that placing your energies into trying to move on would be the best thing you could do now.
Of course you're hurting...and that's the part that is just so painfully hard to contend with....
But...when you look at the fact that you are made one way....and she is the total opposite in terms of how she processes things and comes to decisions....I think that perhaps this particular breakup may come to be a good thing, even though it hurts like the dickens now.
In time....as you heal...you'll have acquired a beautiful piece of information about yourself !!
Which is:
how important it is that you do things at your own pace, and not someone else's. Even in this sad time right now...where she has clearly made her decision to go another route with someone else....
it can hopefully help to show you , that your way of doing things makes a heck of a lot more sense where stability and love and life are concerned.
You know that old time saying: Haste makes waste...?
Well ...there's a whole lot of truth in that...especially when it comes to making proper decisions in this "thing called life" !
I'm so sorry that you're hurting badly....
but ....I'm hoping that you'll soon come to see that this turn of events was probably a blessing...in that you'll will now be free to have yet another chance at finding someone who fits you like a hand in glove...and who will love the fact that you are intelligent and mature enough to want to think things through.
A silver lining is there fun2sail....it really is.
Take some time to heal now...and be as good to yourself as you can in the process.
You're one that's worth waiting for !!
Peace and comfort to your heart....
and some warm hugs being sent your way too.
Hope
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