Posted by Miya on October 19, 2009, 10:22 pm, in reply to "Re: First post here.... but well along my way."
Hi Looking Forward,
You have a lot to be really positive about (even if you are having trouble feeling it right now).
Your words are so true:
"I now see how much of a void there has been in myself by hiding such a major part of myself. For me, it's just down right unhealthy. I think I would fall into a depression by holding so much back. And because of the person I can be now, I feel I can become a better mom, be there more for them emotionally, and provide a more stable life for them, as weird as that may sound."
I am one of those that have blocked myself so completely for 31 years, even though all through my marriage I told my husband I thought I might be gay. And with that has come years of depression, and with the depression comes negative feelings about oneself. So now I'm at the point of digging myself out. And I'm one who has figured out I'm a lesbian without ever having been with a woman. But I have lots more work to do before I can even get there.
And what you say about your kids is so true -- we can only be there for them if we are truely there for ourselves, and being there for ourselves means being true to ourselves.
I know you are really hurting right now, but you are doing what is best for you and your family.
It's hard to be alone; but I've found that it was harder to be in a relationship where there was a missing ingredient (and I find it more painful to feel that aloneness when together with someone).
I think your trying to keep a positive attitude is so important. I tend to like quotes, and here's one that says a lot:
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." ~Kahlil Gibran
Welcome, and thanks for posting,
Miya
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