Posted by bigbird on October 19, 2009, 8:36 pm, in reply to "Re: First post here.... but well along my way."
thank you for your post and welcome to aj's ..fairly new here myself...i like your positive attitude... 
--Previous Message--
: I just wanted to add a few things about how I
: came my decision about leaving my marriage.
: I have read a lot of people's struggles with
: coming to that decision. First thing.. I
: have always known deep down that my physical
: and emotional attraction was towards women.
: I married a man because I grew up in a
: conservative family, small town, etc... I
: was never the type to go against the grain.
: Secondly... Once I actually had a
: relationship with a woman and knew the depth
: you can feel for someone, there was no
: turning back. Not that I moved quickly in my
: decision, but I knew I couldn't move
: backwards. Some women can honestly be happy
: I think with a man, even if they are in no
: way attracted to them... it comes down to
: what makes you "tick", and the
: fulfillment you can get out of a
: relationship. I now see how much of a void
: there has been in myself by hiding such a
: major part of myself. For me, it's just down
: right unhealthy. I think I would fall into a
: depression by holding so much back. And
: because of the person I can be now, I feel I
: can become a better mom, be there more for
: them emotionally, and provide a more stable
: life for them, as weird as that may sound.
: They will get used to the separation as long
: as my ex and I remain as supportive as we
: can. In the long run, they will see a stable
: mom and dad, and gain a strong sense of
: security from that. That is the key with
: children, I think, is security. I am trying
: to learn as I go though!
:
: --Previous Message--
: I have read a lot on here and found it
: amazing
: how many women have been/are married AND
: gay. It's so helpful to hear stories of
: successes and struggles, as there always
: will be. I'm a bit of a turning point
: though, so I thought I would start posting.
:
: I have children, have been married for
: several years, and just separated from my
: husband and moved out to my own place. It's
: been three years since I told my husband
: about who I am. It has been a long three
: years, from the pain it has caused him, the
: relationships I've been in, the whole coming
: out to my family... and now actually moving
: on with my life. At this point, my husband
: is supportive in every way, and is also
: concerned about me right now. I am coming
: out of a tough relationship that has
: incredible, but yet has had some pretty low
: points as well. Love, without a doubt was
: there. But her path just cannot be the same
: as mine. She just left her husband as well,
: but is re-thinking things and needs to focus
: on her own issues. It's extremely hard given
: what we felt for each other and how we had
: seen a life together... without husbands, as
: our relationship had always been. But in
: order to keep my own sanity, I have to move
: on.. which is what she needs me to do as
: well. Moving out on my own, new to the world
: as a lesbian and not "out" to
: anyone except my family is going to be SO
: hard. I have no desire to find support in
: any current relationships I have.. most of
: the people are very closed-minded and
: wouldn't be a support to me anyways. I just
: think about how I have to start over in
: EVERY way in my life, and how hard it will
: be. I am trying to be as positive as I can,
: and need to meet new people and form new
: relationships.
:
: I feel like I'm just rambling, but I wanted
: to start somewhere! I will continue to post,
: so look out for me in the future :-)
:
: Looking Forward
:
:
:
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