Posted by Looking Forward on October 19, 2009, 7:27 pm, in reply to "First post here.... but well along my way."
I just wanted to add a few things about how I came my decision about leaving my marriage. I have read a lot of people's struggles with coming to that decision. First thing.. I have always known deep down that my physical and emotional attraction was towards women. I married a man because I grew up in a conservative family, small town, etc... I was never the type to go against the grain. Secondly... Once I actually had a relationship with a woman and knew the depth you can feel for someone, there was no turning back. Not that I moved quickly in my decision, but I knew I couldn't move backwards. Some women can honestly be happy I think with a man, even if they are in no way attracted to them... it comes down to what makes you "tick", and the fulfillment you can get out of a relationship. I now see how much of a void there has been in myself by hiding such a major part of myself. For me, it's just down right unhealthy. I think I would fall into a depression by holding so much back. And because of the person I can be now, I feel I can become a better mom, be there more for them emotionally, and provide a more stable life for them, as weird as that may sound. They will get used to the separation as long as my ex and I remain as supportive as we can. In the long run, they will see a stable mom and dad, and gain a strong sense of security from that. That is the key with children, I think, is security. I am trying to learn as I go though!
--Previous Message--
: I have read a lot on here and found it amazing
: how many women have been/are married AND
: gay. It's so helpful to hear stories of
: successes and struggles, as there always
: will be. I'm a bit of a turning point
: though, so I thought I would start posting.
:
: I have children, have been married for
: several years, and just separated from my
: husband and moved out to my own place. It's
: been three years since I told my husband
: about who I am. It has been a long three
: years, from the pain it has caused him, the
: relationships I've been in, the whole coming
: out to my family... and now actually moving
: on with my life. At this point, my husband
: is supportive in every way, and is also
: concerned about me right now. I am coming
: out of a tough relationship that has
: incredible, but yet has had some pretty low
: points as well. Love, without a doubt was
: there. But her path just cannot be the same
: as mine. She just left her husband as well,
: but is re-thinking things and needs to focus
: on her own issues. It's extremely hard given
: what we felt for each other and how we had
: seen a life together... without husbands, as
: our relationship had always been. But in
: order to keep my own sanity, I have to move
: on.. which is what she needs me to do as
: well. Moving out on my own, new to the world
: as a lesbian and not "out" to
: anyone except my family is going to be SO
: hard. I have no desire to find support in
: any current relationships I have.. most of
: the people are very closed-minded and
: wouldn't be a support to me anyways. I just
: think about how I have to start over in
: EVERY way in my life, and how hard it will
: be. I am trying to be as positive as I can,
: and need to meet new people and form new
: relationships.
:
: I feel like I'm just rambling, but I wanted
: to start somewhere! I will continue to post,
: so look out for me in the future :-)
:
: Looking Forward
:
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