Posted by Joanne Fleisher on October 27, 2008, 7:14 pm
Message modified by board administrator February 4, 2009, 8:52 am

Dear members, Amy, one member, so kindly offered her words that reflect the welcoming spirit of this board. And so, I am copying her letter of welcome to all who join the board. Thank you, Amy. Joanne Welcome Posted by Amy on October 27, 2008, 9:36 am Dear ---, : : There is so much to tell you, so little : time. I guess I would start by explaining : this place, this community. Who are we? We : are women. That is the qualification. There : are women here of all sorts. : : Some of us are married, some are separated, : some are separated but living with our H : (which stands for husband). Some are : divorced, some have never been married. We : come in all ages, sizes, and colors. : : Some have always known they were gay, some : discovered that we were gay much later in : life with no clues before. Some are : bisexual, Some are straight. Some are : polyamorous having more than one deep : relationship at a time, while others are : monogomous either with their H or their GF : (stands for girlfriend). : : Some of us are the GF of married women, some : LLL (life long lesbian), others long : divorced, and others still married. Some of : us sleep with our husbands and enjoy it, : others do it out of a sense of obligation or : to keep the peace, others are still married : but completely celibate. : : Some of us have told our H's of this : attraction but not acted on it, others have : not told them. Some have not told them, and : others have not told them but had or are : having affairs with other women. : : Some of us had relationships with women : before marrying, others had never had an : inkling. Some of us have kissed other women, : some of us have had more intimate : encounters, some of us have never touched : another woman sexually. : : Some of us don't know what we want to do : with our lives. Some have decided to stay : married and monogomous with our H's. Some of : us stay married but with no sex, some of us : have outside relationships with other women. : Some for purely the sex, though most find : they fall in love and have a much more : intimate relationship. : : We come from all walks of life. We are : mothers, sisters, aunts, and daughters. We : are professionals, lawyers, accountants, : contructions workers, IT people, waitresses, : teachers, students, stay at home moms, : nurses, doctors, and sales people. We are : women who are attracted to women. Some of us : are out to the world, others are not even : out to ourselves. : : We are here to find our way through this : mess. We are at all stages of awareness, : from just now considering that we may be : attracted to other women all the way to : transgendered and fully out. Some of us know : we want to explore and others just wonder : what it's like. Some of us are in love with : a woman who is going through this. : : Yet with all of these differences, we are : all here for support. We learn from each : other. We ask each other questions that make : us think. We make each other laugh and cry. : We flirt, we joke, we support and we : critique. We follow each other, we become : friends, sometimes we don't like each other. : Each of us is so individual, yet we are all : here for the same reason. Some days we : support, others we need support. : : We find that this is a difficult thing. We : experience many emotions, a rollercoaster is : the general concensus. And when you get on : you better hang on. Whether you are married : and wondering what to do, or the GF of a : woman who is married there are so many : issues. : : For the married there is guilt, pain, : confusions, fear. The tear between living : authentically and not hurting those we love. : There is depression and denial. There is : wondering if sex is what it is about, and : whether we have the right or ability to : affect the lives of those around us for such : a frivolous thing. : : We come to greater understanding about : ourselves and what it means to be gay, bi, : or something other than straight. We come : here to learn about what we want, and what : we can live with and without. : : For those who are the SGF (single : girlfriend) there is fear that she will not : leave, fear that she loves him, how to deal : with sex between her and her H, committment : and pain. There is a great pain that comes : with watching her go home, especially when : she says she'd rather be with you. There is : not understanding the dynamics of leaving : and thinking it can be done so quickly. : : Each of us adds to this community. Each of : us learns from this community. All women in : search of answers and help, all women who : have something to add are welcome here. : : Some post all of the time, others have been : here for years and never posted. Some come : here for only the serious issues and others : come as place to laugh and get away from the : stress of what is going on IRL (in real : life). Some come for both. : : I will tell you that I am separated from a : husband who was very unhappy with my : discovery of my sexuality. I fell in love : with my best friend and found myself having : an affair with her before I realized what it : was. She was married as well. When my H : found out, I left him. When she told her H : he was very supportive. We continued our : relationship and she eventually separated : from him. Neither of us has children. : Each of us finds solutions that : work for us. Just because this is the path I : chose does not mean that you must, nor does : it mean that it should be on my timeline. : : We are human and each travel our path at the : exact pace we were meant to, regardless of : outside expectations. You will not find a : lot of support to engage in an affair here. : Many of us have done that, some for years. : If you choose to do that you will not be : chastized. Those who discourage it do so : because it has caused damage to not only : their marriage but their relationships with : the women they love. : : There are so many options and so many ways : to go through this. And while very few will : encourage cheating, many have found : polyamorous relationships and open marriages : may work for them. Some are able to find : GF's who are willing to "share" : while others fall very much in love but find : themselves unable to leave their marriage : for whatever reasons. : : Whatever part of your path you travel you : are welcome here. Whether you post regularly : or just read forever, you are welcome. : : Please remember that this is an online : forum. We all get to know one another, but : there is no way to verify if anyone is who : they say they are. There are times when : people who do not seek support come here. : There are people who seek to destroy this : place, usually angry husbands. If you find : behaviour here that is abusive please ignore : it. Responding to it only encourages it. The : real people here do sometimes have : differences of opinion, but that is done : with respect. Any abusive or unsupportive : behaviour should be absolutely ignored. Do : not take the bait. : : Also, you will notice if such a thing : happens it will be from someone who just : recently started posting. Again, ignore and : the person will be banned and it will go : away. : : Otherwise, I again welcome each person here. : To get here you must have searched for : something, you must be hurting and needing a : community. Please come in... : Edited to add: This site has a limit on the : number of characters in a post. When you : reply to someone it may be rejected due to : the number of characters. The original post : is automatically included in your reply. The : easy way around this is to delete all but : the pertinent passages of the post you are : replying to. : : :